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Inevitably, nothing escapes the eyes of the public; be it your friends, family and everyone else. Being judged is one of the things that you can’t run away from. And I admit we’re pretty much into the same category of interests. Soccer, silat, photography, and I don’t know what else.

By just saying that I am a soccer player made people go,”Okay, don’t mess around with her. She is a soccer player.” or when they see my body-build for themselves, things like,”Serious shit?!” At times, it made me feel proud that I can fend for myself instead of always relying on boys for strength. But at another point of time, it made me feel as though I am not a full fledged girl. No doubt that I used to be labeled as tomboy, man, etc. I used to have a boy-like hair style and I spiked my hair up to an extend where I don’t even look like a girl at all. The way I dress up, the way I talk and the way I do anything and everything triggered stereotypical mindset. Maybe it’s part of my fault by being into things that a normal girl would want to be involved in. No, I am not saying we are abnormal. We are the way we are. I am used, just too used to be excluded from those girl-y and make ups talk eventhough I know better then they do. See, my physical appearance does not tell everything about me. I changed progressively over the years.


Whenever situation like this happens to me, closing one eye or even two eyes is necessary.

Honestly, 18 is not a big jump just yet. None of the range of ages is a big jump, none. When you look back into your life, let’s say five years ago, only then you will see the big jump. For an instance, imagine you were back when you were 9 and you looked back into the past. Things like,”Wow, I’ve stopped sucking my thumb to sleep.” will come into your mind. Is that a big jump at the age of 9? Yes it is.

I have been changing and living my life for others instead of for myself. It feels good making my close ones happy because of the changes. I am the kind who puts people way before me, as said by a lot of my close friends. Yes I know it is not healthy to do so. but that is me. That is Fhy.

I’ve talked a lot. All the best in anything you do. \m/