My Insane Life!

Distance.

2011-10-22T00:25:00.002+08:00

Have you been waiting for an update from me? I'm sorry, but my daily schedule have been hectic lately. I just can't seem to find time for anything else besides school, training and work. And yes, I've come to realise that I'm actually treating my house like a Hotel. I can come and go whenever I want. I constantly get into heated arguments with my parents and yet I continue to leave the house way before the wake up and come home when they're asleep. That's my schedule,alright!

Anyway, I've been really busy with investiture choreography, music mix and training sessions. Investiture is just a week away and we're not 100% ready. I can actually cry at this point but I'm sure we'll pull through as a family. I can't wait for rehearsal later today and tomorrow. With the NYP Silat family, all my worries just disappear. Except for one, which is my BFF. I still have to face him and pretend like everything is okay.

He has been there for me since the start. There's definitely that part of me which desperately wants to kill him,but the rest of me is saying I should stand by him. We made a promise at the start of our very close friendship, and there's no way we're going to break it. He may have his issues and horrible attitude, but he's my bff. He knows how to control himself around me. He knows how to treat me right and not take advantage of the trust I've given him.

When I'm down, he knows. When I'm hiding something, he knows. It's like we have this telepathy skill. He knows when exactly to call me and check on me. He knows exactly what I feel like having for lunch/dinner on that day. It's just that connection we have that's making it hard for me to break this tight bond we have.

Moving on. My heart had set out on an adventure and landed itself in a mess. Till now, I've yet to figure out how I could fall for this friend of mine. We've only met for roughly 3 months. He's a totally different kind of guy as compared to many out there. Even my best friend, Haziq, thinks so too. The thing is, I don't there to tell him my feelings as I don't want to appear taking advantage of his current status. I mean, he had just broken up with his gf. However, things are much more complicated. He has trouble letting go of her. Somehow, it hurts me every time. I don't know why, but it does. Right now, I see him going through life as per normal and in good terms with her, but it's hurting me so bad that sometimes it bother my thoughts.

Oh well. Life goes on.

Pushing You Away.

2011-09-19T23:47:00.003+08:00

I've gone through a lot more after all that I had to go through a couple of months ago. Yes, my life story is really sad. But no, I don't need any sympathy (I almost typed symphony). I take all these as challenges in life. It made me stronger - All of it.

My heart may have shattered into a million pieces, but it's capable of shattering into a million more pieces and yet remain strong. I do not really believe in karma. Whatever that happens to me, or how bad people treat me, is like a practical lesson prepared by God. I don't expect God to punish those who treat me horribly. They were born, and given life by God, to test us and to prepare us for a tougher and harder life ahead of us. And the afterlife that we may suffer in due to all our sins and wrong doings. I suppose that's the reason why we should always think twice before doing or saying anything. God is watching our every move, and taking note of all our sins.

Nenek always told me that I should cherish this second chance to live, after the accident I had when I was 7. I could have lost this life that I'm still living. Nenek also told me that when someone is given a second chance, it is like a sign for us to make full use of it. Not solely on ourselves, but the people around us too - be it close or not. That is why I always put my friends ahead of myself. That is why I always give in. I know what it is like to lose someone you dearly love. I've lost both my best friends of 6 years. I cannot bear to lose anymore of my loved ones, be it closely related or merely a hi-bye friend.

I have to admit that I have trouble controlling my temper and anger, sometimes. It runs in the blood. And given the fact that I have the blood of a Bugis Warrior, I don't know the meaning of giving up when it comes to something I would die for. I don't know my limits until I break. And so far, I have not reach a point where I was going to break. A true Bugis Warrior, according to dad, is someone who is really stubborn, fight for his right, fight for his love ones, believe in going all out to achieve their goals, love everyone around them and is strong physically,mentally and emotionally. Oh, not to mention the strength that they possess. To the extent of broken bones healing faster than the usual rate. I take it as a gift. Everything I possess, are gifts from God that are to be used for good intentions.

Why is it, that I have to fall for you? I don't understand how my heart can withstand all these pain that you're causing by just simply being nice and caring towards me. You never fail to put a smile on my face. It hurts me even more, knowing you're crushed by your own problem. Knowing that you're upset and feeling really low, and that I can't do anything about it, saddens me. I want to be right there, next to you. I want to get rid of the sadness that you're facing now. I want to be there to turn it all round - into a smile. If only you knew how I feel. I don't want to tell you. I know it will complicate things even more, with you hanging at the end of a tread held by your very first love. I can only promise you that I'd keep this smile on my face, despite all the pain I'm going through and the problems I have to face. Just for you.

Breeze.

2011-08-11T22:24:00.003+08:00

I'm still in the process of picking myself up from a really hard fall. No. Actually,I took a plunge. I dived,head-on, from the peak of my rage. I held my breath,closed my eyes shut, and just jumped! I had no idea where I could possibly land. The possibility of me surviving that fall was rather slim. I didn't expect to still be here, slowly rising again. Maybe from the dead. I don't know. It seemed as though I was pierced by a large piece of ice shards.

I tried to sew the hole back together,but the wound just wouldn't heal. I look at myself in the mirror,and I see a hole in my body,my heart. No blood is flowing,though. Just a hole. I try to cover up that hole, by putting up with unbearable sights. Every moment of that sight, would bring about pain. But I can't lose him. Nor them.

He's been there for me,even if it means being just friends. No,a really close friend. He's like one of my best friends. AHH,I don't know. Ever since I let go of the fact that they're together, I realised how much I want him to stay in my life. After the whole mess with them,and it's still in a mess(sort-of),I stopped pushing him away. I wanted the separation to be natural. Sadly,it turned out differently.

So far,I've spent 2 days,long hours with him during Ramadhan. For training sake. I had a one-to-one tunggal session with him,last Wednesday. It was awkward at first,given the fact that it was just a week after the air was cleared. At that point of time,I was still trying to push him away,but I had no choice when it came to training. Then, I had tanding training with Haziq and Piqah on the very same day. He joined us,which was a surprised. He offered to be my sparring partner,and had to put up with all the blows I threw at him. He was of a great help.

The very next week,we had round two. He increased the intensity and pushed me hard. And I mean,very hard. I mind wasn't in the game,for the 2nd round. I was distracted. He kept on pushing me hard to a point where I thought I was going to break. Well, I did eventually crack. I got myself injured. Walking was like a torture,I swear. I couldn't feel my feet touch the ground. I had a very swollen shin. My right thigh muscle gave in,too. I held on to the excruciating pain for one last shot. And I was immediately worn out after that. I fell to the ground. My leg was in so much pain,that I felt as though it had been amputated. He didn't know how bad it hurt,and so he kept on pushing me even more. I walked out on him,twice that day. Because of the pain. I don't blame him,for pushing me that hard. I wasn't performing well at the start. He was doing his job,to push me higher. He told me that he was going to help me improve. He did that. I love him so much,for that. For being there. For pushing me so hard,that my body stopped producing sweat and tears replaced them. He put so much faith and believe in me. And he even gave me money so I could cab home,since walking was like torture. He wanted to send me home,but I insisted that he didn't. We live on opposite ends of the country. Besides, I don't want to be a burden to him.

I cannot imagine my life without him right now. It's not that I'm dependent on him,but he's just that little push I need to get back on my feet. He's just that little cushion where I know I'd land if I fall. He's that little pressure I need for my heart to keep pumping,even if it means inflicting rage. Somehow,rage seems to be working really well with my brains lately. I can think straight,even if my rage reaches it's peak. And I wasn't able to do that in the past. There's a million things I want to thank him for. But most importantly,I'd like to thank him for appearing in my life,and never left even when I tried to push him away. That's what I call a true friend! I love him from the bottom of my heart,no matter what and no matter whoever that stands in my way.

Okay. Next week,round three. If my leg recovers on time and if I can finish studying for my Pharmacology paper on time. If he's going to be annoying the hell out of me again during the sparring session,by push me, I won't hold back. I hope I can get my head in the game,this time round. I don't want to disappoint myself. And most importantly, I don't want to disappoint him. I'm glad he's here,helping me get through this.

Cut short.

2011-08-01T05:31:00.004+08:00

Wow! What a ride,I had to go through. Emotional breakdown throughout the whole of July.

I lost another bestfriend and his brother too. God took them away from to a better place,I'm sure. I love them to bits. It was a big blow,but I have to accept it. It's God will. What I couldn't understand was why he had to make even harder for me,even after losing 2 people I love within a month, by taking away another person and give to someone else.

I thought he could very well be the replacement to my happiness after all that I had to go through from the very start of July. I fell hard for him. Although I wasn't expecting anything in return, it hurt me to know they were that close. It hurt me to see them being that close. And it hurt the most when I found out they eventually ended up together. He knew how I felt and yet he didn't utter a word about it,about them. I tried to shove him away, but he kept sticking around. I tried to remove him from every aspect of my life, but I knew it won't last since I would have to face them both during training. The sight of him turns my mood off. And the sight of her, just simply inflict rage. Yes,it's that bad. But I come to realise that it's not worth my time worrying about them anymore. Afterall, they are family to me. My brother and sister. I just have to put up with it and pretend. I just have to smile even though sometimes I feel like stabbing them with a knife.

I know this is harsh,but I've put it aside. What matters now is that I was given a mission to keep the bond together and stronger. It's a task I find challenging especially when it involves them too. A handful of people knows about it. At the start of the whole mess, I notice that they were irked by how they were acting around each other,cause every single one of them knew how much she hated him at the start and even badmouthed him. I forgot who said this "ludah jilat balik",but that was how it was depicted. I have to admit, that I held a grudge against her for a short period of time but let it go soon after.

I won't go back to my old self. The new me is an even more patient person. Ibu said if the person I fell for is meant for me, he'll appear back in my life in the near future. If he's not meant for me, God has someone better for me. Amin!

Oh,and he actually asked why I blocked him from seeing my wall posts. Seriously?

Deep.

2011-07-13T13:15:00.002+08:00

I know no one would be reading this,given the fact that I haven't updated it for a very long time. Nonetheless, I'd like to warn that I'm about to blabber a lot of crap here since I feel that I can't make a smile on a computer turn into a frown. I'd rather keep them to myself - those things I'm going through - than to tell someone and spoil their happy moments.

Lately, I've been having trouble controlling my anger. It keeps reaching the peak,and almost lead to a massive explosion. I'm not in any position to blame anyone or anything, except maybe just one person. When group work is concern, everyone have different roles to play. Everyone is important in every way. You can't pull in personal issues into the group work. It'll be hectic! Like how it is now. Because of one bitch, everything is going hay wire. She is not the f*cking leader nor has she any right to say "I don't trust you" to anyone. We're suppose to work as team, idiot! I almost lost it, and could have landed one big punch onto her face and leave it bruised and maybe bleeding. I could have.

If some of you don't know me, I have histories. When my anger reaches its peak, my brain will automatically shut down. I will not think of the consequences before doing anything. Plus with the strength I've been gifted with by the Almighty, you don't want to be in my way. Yes, I may seem a little fragile given the size, but once anger and strength meets, a new me will emerge. I have to agree that I am scared of myself,sometimes. I can't control my actions. Even if I attend trainings to let some steam out, I don't fully exert. I hold it back. I used to relieve those anger by kicking and punching the pads to wear myself out. But now, I choose to hold some of it back.

Now,when I have things bothering me, I'll just go for a long run. I don't want history to repeat itself. I don't want to go back to how I was before. And now, I'm happy to have a new set of family in my life - NYP Silat. They are like my happy pill, an addictive drug. I love them to bits.

Drop it.

2011-06-24T13:47:00.004+08:00

Aduh!! This feeling is really irritating the hell out of me! I feel like exploding into a million pieces,then pick the pieces up and tape them up back together. Everything have been going so wrong lately. Family. School. Life. Yes,life's messed up at the moment.

I don't think I can control my mind anymore. My mind has a mind of it's own. Confusing much! Sometimes,I wish confessing was as easy as ABC. Then again, life would suck. And for me, I've never been the type to let things out. I will bury them deep within me. Right now,I think it's been buried for way too long that it's slowly crawling out on its own. Scary, I know.

I guess telling him would be the stupidest mistake I would have ever done. Lets just wait summore. I think my patience can hold on slightly longer.

Oh,and Silat is making a comeback to my life. Is that good or bad? And and and,I made new friends!! I kinda like the bonding that the Seni team has. We're a family!

Moderate.

2011-06-10T21:38:00.002+08:00

Who knew this would lead to extreme pleasure? I mean,he's got me going insane.

He makes my heart skip a beat,at times. He makes my heart race faster than an F1 car. He makes me sweat,even when the environment is cool. He makes me shake and even stutter,at times. Most importantly,he makes me smile!

I've almost fell off a chair when he smiled at me. That really cute smile of his! I've almost tripped over my own foot a few times,when I walk past him. And we talked for the first time, I was shaking,and couldn't control myself. I think my leg almost gave in. He's the only person who have ever made me feel this way.

He doesn't know this,and it really is killing me! I'm scared to make the first move. I'm afraid of what he might think. They say it's obvious that I'm falling head over heels for him. That is what's holding me back from making the first move.

I like it that he has a funny character. I like it that he's really friendly. I like it that he's especially determine when it comes to dancing. My first impression of him was "He dances like Taeyang! OMG!"

What do I do now?

Tired.

2011-05-30T01:58:00.002+08:00

OMG! School has been a bitch! I'm exhausted like $#&%^&!!

I'm am so looking forward to the two weeks break. Australia will be the highlight of it,no doubt.
Oh,and this month,my family has been struggling financially since the stocks fell really low the past few weeks and Dad hasn't been himself lately too. Company made a big loss,resulting to desperate cost cutting. I feel so bad,since I'll be spending a lot in Australia. At one point, I felt like pulling out but Dad insisted that I carried on. I really do hope the situation recovers soon.

Coming back down.

2011-05-22T15:59:00.002+08:00

I’m ashes to ashes.I’m dust to dust.And when a man turns to ashes,forget about love. Like the feeling inside you,with the bottle beside you. You both end up empty like an angel just died too. I look to the heavens, to the sky and the rest.I looked inside myself,I felt my heart in my chest.Something so point blue. There’s nothing to say,some hearts to stay true when falling away. Come lay down beside me. What you and I mean, it’s only what I’ve seen. It’s only just one dream. Tell my baby I love him(her),and I wish I could hold her. It’s hard to say goodbye when you know that it’s over.

No,it hasn't even begin!

Fly

2011-05-14T11:11:00.002+08:00

Taking off on a plane to a place where there's no memory at all.

Taking off to nowhere but paradise.

See me off.

Touch your heart. I think I deserve a little more than verbal harassments. Do I still have a place in your heart? I miss you,no doubt,but life must go on.

Okay,lets dance!

He makes me smile! Always! He makes my leg feel like jelly.

Dumbfounded.

2011-05-05T21:42:00.003+08:00

Everything is beyond what words can explain. I've never felt this way before,but I know I must control or else I'll crumble.

He caught my attention from the start. My eyes kept searching for him.

Being in close distance with him for the very first time,before getting to know his name and his personality, really brought my body temperature. I could have sweat breaking out of me,uncontrollably. It sent shivers down my spine. It shook me. Hard. I remembered my heart pounding really fast and loud. It was as if my heart was going leap out of my chest and make a run for it.

When we became friends on FB, there was no doubt that I was elated. I couldn't stop smiling when we began a decent conversation via each other's inbox.

I kept running into him throughout the whole of last week. It made my week complete! Funny how he'd always make my heart pound extremely fast and loud by just appearing infront of me. What's worst is his smile. When he smiled at me,on one of the days of last week, I almost fell off my chair. It brought up my body temperature again,and even made me shake a little. Day after that, I ran into him while on the way to my CCA. We simply traded glances,but somehow it affected me a whole lot! Just as I approached him, I sort of stumbled and almost tripped over my own foot and fell. Thank God that did not happen! If it did,I'll be really embarrassed,given the fact that I fell infront of him and that I had actually tripped over my own foot. Nice one!

This week,however,was dull. No sight of him at all! It made feel a little gloomy but I got over it. Manage to see today,since he was well involved with the Foreign Bodies auditions which I had initially wanted to attend. I just dropped by the Forum to help out the kickboxing team with setting up the mats. I managed to watch some of them groove and giving crash course to the freshies before leaving via the back gate. As I made my way to the back gate,I had to walk past him and his group. It sent shivers down my spine and I could feel my body heating up. Gosh! Stole a glance. Heard his voice. No words can describe how I felt at that moment.

So,tell me. What the heck am I feeling? What should I do now? Haiz.

Fresh!

2011-05-02T20:45:00.002+08:00

Haven't been feeling well lately. Fell sick,with flu and fever for a couple of days. Mood was swinging away,but only one thing made me smile despite all that. This particular person. Last week was filled with just him. I mean,his smile is like a disease or something 'cause it kept me happy and smiling throughout the week. I ran into him almost every day of last week. I hope it'll be the same for this week and the coming weeks to come. I'm still contemplating whether I should attend Foreign Bodies audition. It's a dance team in my school which focuses on Hip Hop styles. It's been ages since I last danced. Seriously.

Gym tomorrow? Maybe,if I'm feeling better.

Singapore Elections 2011.

2011-05-01T00:15:00.004+08:00

After hearing several rebuttals in several rallies, I really think all the opposition parties are a big joke. Firstly,they made a really bad impression of themselves with horrible English. If you'd notice,PAP speakers are extremely fluent in their speech. So, the oppositions party studied as high as the PAP candidates. Yar,but do you see the huge difference? Wow! You're aim is to lower the prices of houses for first time buyers? Did you consider the cost you have to cover by doing so? Doesn't that require the nation's money to cover the huge cost as a result of it?Yes,I understand you want to help the nation achieve more than what PAP has provided with over the years,but haven't you thought about the trouble you're going to face as a result of it. PAP has gone through countless of years of hardships in building the nation. Who says our money all add up to their income? When Singapore faced financial difficulties,the current government was there to hold up the nation's pillars so that we won't crumble. When things got better and rebounded, the gains were shared among the nations. You say PAP don't fulfill their promises,are you blind? Seriously.Look around you and think. What were we a couple of years ago? What are we now? Aren't you proud? Oh,so you aim to increase the service in Singapore so that Singaporeans would have a better career? Think again! Eventually,the service will fall,which would then lead to an increase of unemployment. Is that what you want for us? So,you say the government is giving away career opportunities to foreigners. Haven't you consider the fact that most Singaporeans are at fault for it,as they are,hands down, fussy about the jobs they want. To be honest,if I were one of PAP's candidate and I've lost to any of the opposition parties,I would be glad to sit next to them as I watch them suffer. With great power,comes great responsibility right?So go ahead and have a go at the powers. PAP has been strong for the last years. They know Singapore inside-out. They know Singapore better than the other opposition parties. So why are you criticising them?

I am especially embarrassed,as a Malay,after the horrible speech given by one of the opposition parties. OMFG!! Her English is ridiculous! That really left my jaw hanging,wide open,for a very long time. And it got worst! She even accused of PAP not fulfilling their promises. Oh,she and her team must be blind! Okay,so another opposition party tried to state their stands. To me,it was and EPIC failed attempt. The Government giving away our rightful job opportunities to foreigners? Whose fault is it? The people's fault. Not the Government,nor PAP. Fussy citizens. The money that the Government has taken from us goes to the Ministers' income? OMG! You must have a really tiny brain,don't you? When Singapore faced financial difficulties as a nation,who was there to hold up our pillars to prevent us from crumbling? Isn't it the Government? Everyone was saying that Singapore was going to fall and never going to rise again. When things got better and rebounded, where did the gains go to? Us,right? They freakin' shared the gains! So you want to earn as much as the Ministers? Go study as hard as them lah! You want to depend on them for money? Woah,dream on!

So what if the Government had failed us a couple of times? Like the Mas Selamat escape incident. They are human too. It was definitely a lesson for us. We shouldn't solely depend on the Government. We play a big part in the growth of our nation. You want the opposition party to take over? Can they truely fulfill their promises,given the fact that they know little about the country? What experience have they got? They study as high as the PAP candidates,but they definitely have little knowledge of what they are going to face if they really manage to take over the country.

I guess I am in for a treat when the opposition parties take control.

Note.

2011-04-27T23:18:00.002+08:00

I have something to say to you,if you're reading this.

I'd like you to know that,yes,I was attempting to annoy the hell out of you,but the after effects of it left me thinking. It was a pleasure to annoy you,really. But then again,I have to admit that I miss being irritated by your nonsense. And so you pretended not to know me,as expected. I know you very well,FYI. I don't want to hold any grudges against you,trust me. You made quite an impact in my life. If you're with a girl right now,then good for you. Hope she satisfy your needs and is able to control you. Hey,keep smiling and know that I'll always pray for your well-being no matter what. I don't mean to treat you this way,but sometimes you have to taste your own medicine before you are able to realise the damages you've caused. All the best in life,and I do really hope we'd still be in contact in the future. Cheers!

Dead.

2011-04-13T14:41:00.001+08:00

Remember,I will always be here for you,even if it kills me to see you go. Never forget that I’ll always have your back. I still got you.

It hurts to see you leave. You were like my beating heart,that I can’t control. But I guess it’s too late now. You’ve made your decision. I’m not going to stand in your way. I know I can’t be selfish. If I did you wrong,I hope you’d forgive me. I know you couldn’t understand this hectic life I choose to lead. Thanks for being there when I needed you most.

Journey

2011-04-11T22:01:00.002+08:00

Well,a rather nice trip to Kallang Leisure Park with Nessa, Hazmi and Haziq. We ice skated for 2 hours! Then, I headed for Plaza Singapura to meet my Superman and Boy Kental,for a shopping mission. I had a pleasant time with them. Dinner was at my place. Fish and Chips was on the menu,followed by a buffet stretch of cheesecake of many flavours. Mum bought different variety of cheesecake. Blueberry cheesecake, Oreo cheesecake, Mango cheesecake and New York cheesecake. Yum!

Fred came over,after ages! I missed him. I miss how he used to tuck me under his arms to keep me warm on a cold night. I miss how he would kiss my forehead and tell me to stay strong. I miss the times when he’d always say “which ever guy you choose will be the luckiest guy alive because he has you”. I miss how he always called me “sissy”,short for little sister. I miss having him over at my place all the time. Things have changed ever since his Dad passed away. He’s been spending a lot of his time with his Mum,accompanying her. That’s really sweet of him.

Abang called me a spoilt brat! Well,I’m his sister. It runs in the family!

Orchard.

2011-04-09T23:38:00.003+08:00

Okay. Orchard is official my most hated place to go to in Singapore despite the awesome shopping destinations. It's not about the crowd. It's really about being slapped in the face by memories of what has gone wrong in life and has,unfortunately,taken place there. Yes,the spot where many people seem to enjoy their time there. I,on the other hand,have to sort-of suffer throughout my time there,holding back all those memories and making sure I stay on my feet. and I,however,cannot run away from my place of pure awesomeness with the gang at Scape. No matter how bad I hate Orchard,Scape is one place I'll head to,to have a great time.

You can hate me,for all I care. You can hate me for not accepting you for who you are. Well,you were such an ass,I guess that's why. You couldn't accept people's opinion about change. You couldn't accept the fact that no one would ever like that freakin' attitude of your if you don't change it. But no matter how much you hate me,it wouldn't bother me 'cause I know I've tried to change you. It's you who didn't want that change. I know you couldn't see it the way others or I would see it. You're blinded by your own ego. I'm really glad the relationship between you and your cousin has been mended. And to tell you the truth,I like his attitude and character a whole lot better than yours. He learns and understands his mistake,and takes the effort to mend them,unlike you. Honestly,which ever girl he's with right now,she should really cherish him. I know I would.

HaruHaru

2011-04-07T14:56:00.002+08:00

To me he's perfect. He fits every single one of my criteria. But I don't feel the connection. I mean,I think I just don't want it. Not now,at least. I'm shaking it off,but it seems he knows. The crazy thing is,he keeps bugging me. He keeps trying to be part of this crazy life I live by. I can't push him away. It's just not right. I don't want any issues with him because he made no mistake except to appear at the wrong time. No,I'm not confuse. I'm really sure that I don't want this right now!

Go

2011-04-06T12:41:00.003+08:00

It's back to non-stop hits pretty soon! Yeah,I mean training. Leg's definitely much better after months of recovery sessions with the Physiotherapist and coach. I can do squats without feeling any form of pain in my thigh,besides the stretchy feeling I'm suppose to feel. I'm eager to go back into full form. I just want to kick somebody's ass in the ring! Heh! Or maybe my ass will be kicked,since it's been quite awhile since I trained hard. So Dear Timetable,please be nice to me. I need enough time to train,at least 3 times a week. I know I have work,4 times a week,but could you at least leave me with at least 3hours between classes so I can hit the gym. Thanks!

Oh,and it's pouring again! Yay! My eyes are feeling heavy!

Gone

2011-04-05T23:53:00.002+08:00

Step up or step out?

I choose to stay firm and rooted to where I stand right now. I watch and observe while my brain does all the calculations. I seal my lips and hold back any form of expressions and emotions. I'd let you continue guessing,as to what I might be thinking. I'd let you continue to suffer,having to watch me keep everything to myself. Pry my thoughts open,something you'd definitely fail to do. Let me do all the mind reading and psychology stuff while you torture yourself. Remember that I've warned you. And by the way,stop thinking that I'll give in. It's written all over your face.

Life.

2011-04-04T21:11:00.002+08:00

Life as we know it.

Can two people,who cannot get along,fall in love and,eventually,start a family together?

Life as we know it,doesn't suck that bad!

Whenever my plan to make my days great fail,I'll always have backup. I have my Superman,Fariq Isyraf. I have my Boy Kental,Afiq. I have my Boy Wonder,Rasul. I have my Lepak Kakis,the awesome lepak people who can tolerate my nonsense very well. I have my TLC,forever laughing. I have my IKEA gang,the forever kecoh people. Soon to come will be the Starbucks crew.

Life as we know it,don't need just one person to help me pull through. I don't need a jerk who doesn't give shit to what makes me happy. I don't need someone who's full of himself. All I need right now is plenty of awesomeness.

IVP Day 2

2011-04-03T11:40:00.003+08:00

TSC Day 2 wasn't exactly what I had expected before stepping into competition grounds. I was imagining large crowds and small area of comfort zone around them. I was proven wrong when I arrived. I didn't hear roaring crowds cheering from outside. As I walked into the competition grounds,I ran into several familiar faces like Abang Dzul, Bhai,Atiq's sister and some athletes I once trained. I was rather amused at their reaction to my sudden appearance. Then,it was team NYP. Honestly,it felt really weird at first,but Faris made me feel slightly better when he welcomed me at the back door of PERSES. Familiar faces once again.

I came just in time for Haziq's First ever tunggal performance. He did pretty well,I must say,for a first timer. It was obvious that he wasn't experienced enough,but he did show tremendous effort and determination to pull through it and succeeded in finishing the performance within the given time frame. Well done! I'm realy happy,and it definitely placed a smile on my face. He didn't make through to the finals,but at least it was worth the experience gained.

Ganda teams. Syahir and Zul. Atiq and Nessa. Incredible performance by the two teams. Their performance was definitely medal worthy. Compare them with the other teams. They were no where comparable to the effort they've put in. I wasn't able to stay for their finals,but I did put high hopes on them and provided them with prayers of my own.

Regu. What else can I say,really? The fire in Hazmi was seen flaring. That's sheer determination right there! I take off my hat to him for that! The boys were great! No,beyond great! The power,the performance. It was power pack! The ITE boys was their competition while the rest were not comparable. ITE had national experience on their side but,in my opinion,were no match to the performance made by the NYP boys. Awesome! The girls were great too! Despite not having as much experience as the boys,they came out strong. I heard that the Boys won Gold,which is great! I can imagine the joy,as well as relieve,in Hazmi. I can also imagine him jumping around. The thought of it just makes me smile. Hard work pays off!

Train hard,fight easy.

New

2011-04-02T13:14:00.003+08:00

Wow! I never thought it would turn out this way. It's such a smooth flow. I'm really enjoying this moment. Oh,got a new pair of shoe by the way. Radii high cut. Sweet.

April

2011-04-01T15:44:00.002+08:00

It's April already? Wow! That's incredibly quick of time to pass. School resumes in 18/19 days and I'm not prepared for the return. I'm enjoying this feeling of not having to strain my brains. Heh.

April fool,huh? Yeah. Look who's the fool now,Eddy? Totally fooled some of the silly ones,this morning. It made my day! I enjoyed watching their shocked,then suspicious and finally disappointed faces. I'm sorry guys,but I have to admit that it was epic! See you guys tonight for our trip to JB for supper! I'm already anticipating some kind of revenge.

Tomorrow will be Day 2 of IVP games. Will be there! All the best guys!

Wish.

2011-03-30T12:36:00.004+08:00

What would you wish for,if you had one chance?

So,I've lost it. No,wait. They got it all wrong. I love Fariq,not in that sense. I do love him,but nothing beyond a really close friend that I can almost consider a family. That's just how I feel about him,and Afiq and Rasul too. It's not surprising,that people keep mistaking my feelings or choice of way in portraying my love for him as a friend. We're close and I'm comfortable with being extra close with him without feeling awkward. I just don't feel the kind of love a couple would normally feel. It's just that strong bond we have as "almost family" that keeps us staying this way. It gets irritating,sometimes,when people keep insisting that there's something between us. Really,it does.

Believe.

2011-03-29T09:25:00.004+08:00

The Power of Believe.

If you put your heart and soul to it,you can pull through. I just completed Day 2 of rather strenuous workout session ever since my injury. I'm starting slow,where running isn't my priority at the moment. The focus right now is to gain back the strength my left leg has lost ever since the muscle tore. I lost quite a bit of muscle mass on my left thigh. It should take roughly 3 weeks to get it back into 60% of what it used to be. Once I've accomplished strength,I have to work on power. Then will I be able to work on my stamina. So right now,my stamina is like crap! Breathless too quickly. But by focusing on getting back into shape,I managed to pull through 2 days of pain!

Core conditioning is a pain but it sure helps you feel good and look good. After all the strenuous routines,my limbs feel like they're about to fall apart,but I feel rather good. It's nice to be back in training mode after a long break. Funny,how coach has adopted some of GSP's training methods. Which also results to a tougher training sessions. Naise!~

One beat.

2011-03-28T18:50:00.004+08:00

Passion,Determination and Will!

Start with full confidence and putting in your fullest effort. Never do things half way. Never back down. Never think about giving up. Let injuries be an obstacle,but never let it be an excuse to drop everything you've work hard for all these while. I keep saying this to myself,each time I obtain an injury and as a result,have to sit out of training for quite some time. We have to be mentally prepared for everything that rushes towards us. Focus is all it takes to bring us to the next level. Put your heart into whatever it is you're doing and you'll do just fine. Remember,it's not always about going to the next level. Always go back to basics and polish them up. Without basics,you have no ground to stand on.

No,this is not only about being in sports or any form of competitive activity. In life,everything goes back down to basics too. Go back to your roots. Take a look at the bunch of people who brought you up,who were there for you and who had always been the one to brighten your day. People come and go so easily,but the one that stays are the ones who are truly amazing people in life. The people who come and almost immediately leaves are merely challenges in life. Take it whole heartedly and keep it in your memory as an experience. As we take on more challenges in life,experience is what we really need to overcome them. Utilizing them,your mind,your heart and also your guts. And at one point or another,you're going to need all the help you can get from all the amazing people around you.

Why give up upon failing when you can take it as an experience and learn from the mistake? With that,you can work towards being a stronger and tougher person,not only physically. Yes,it's devastating to know that you've lost a match or failed at something,but always take it in a positive manner. There are times you'll lose,there are times you'll fail. Just smile and stay strong. Listen to your heart beat. It's all you need to hear. It's the sound of satisfactory,that you've given your utmost best performance and you should be proud of it. The next step after losing or failing is to work harder and come back stronger.

Over the years,I've learnt a lot,not just through the sports I'm active in. With everything I had to go through over the last couple of years,although some were not directly my problems/troubles,I turned into a whole different person. Ask me again,"What was life like 4 years back?" That was when I was 14. Life was mundane but hectic at the same time. Complicated? Yes. It was rough,getting by and appearing in a facade. No,not family issues. I don't exactly have issues within the family,which is somewhat a good thing. I do have issues with the other people around me,like friends. I never did make any enermies. Maybe one,but that was then. People say I have a mature thought. I believe so myself. I've lost far too many people,in my opinion. This led me into a whole different world. A world where people depend on me,and not the other way round. It was hard accepting this whole new responsibility at first,but it got easier as time went by. I made new companions,one who possesses key quality which is to constantly be there for me. These friends are what keeps me driving forward and motivated to take life's challenges.

I used to think that by loving someone,you're putting your heart and soul into that person. That was my biggest mistake,I suppose. Yes,I very well know that trust is the key to every relationship. I never had trust issues. What I had was total misconception and misunderstanding. Letting this certain person go wasn't a mistake at all. It was,in fact,the greatest thing I have ever done. Through that,I've learnt that not everyone deserve a second chance,including me(in some situations). But my biggest regret was letting go of another certain someone who had his trust on me,and maybe some faith,but I let him down. I let him loose,when I know he was everything I'd need right now. No point dwelling on it anymore,right? Just cherish whatever you had then.

Disarm!

2011-03-28T11:14:00.002+08:00

Ah,finally! I got it removed - onsugar. Stalker,that was what I had there.

Is the world moving too quickly,or am I slowing down? I see too many changes in such a short time. No,I don't mean the world,physically. I mean people. I guess I'll never get this,"meet new friends,forget the old". Don't come crying to me when your so-called new friend leaves you for another friend,and abandon you. I'll be here no matter what,but there's no way I can help you out. You chose that direction. I never lose out. I look around me and all I see are people who matter. I'm not boasting,but if that's what you think would make you happy,go ahead and forget the ones who had been there for you from the start. Let karma kick in,before you realise it all.

I have 3 weeks to pull myself up to Super Flyweight category. That's like putting 3 more kilogram. I'm currently in Light Flyweight category. My buddies Darren,Khai and Radiance have to put on weight too for upcoming fights.Coach is pushing us to tougher classes. Awesome! We now have our personal dietitian to plan our daily meals,starting with Protein Whey in every meal except lunch and dinner. Healthy snacks in between heavy meals. High carb diet is definitely a must. How 'bout whole meal pasta almost every day? Whole meal this,whole meal that. I'm used to that. I can bring my weight up and down so easily.

Shoot!

2011-03-27T20:55:00.003+08:00

The next step is to slowly build up my portfolio and take up every challenge as a stepping stone. Every door that opens and offer countless of opportunities,I'll take them and work my way through it. It's not going to be easy. I know this very well. It's not exactly my choice of career,but it's definitely a good angle to consider. Why toy around with something you're passionate about when you can go ahead and explore the wonders of it?

I have no intention in being a pro in this field. I'm just enjoying this hobby of mine and exploring the wonders of it. But with people giving me projects and 'job',I think I'll soon go semi-pro. Portfolio has already begun,with the help of a photojournalism organisation and a good friend of mine.

In Year 2 of Poly,we are offered a Basic Photography module. It's a 2 credit module,and I'm definitely opting for it. I really hope I get it. It may be a basic lesson,but what's important is to polish up on the basics and not take it for granted. They say Year 2 would take up more time,but we're the one who are able to organise our own time. Of course,studies comes first!

Well,wish me luck with everything!

Whatever.

2011-03-27T14:07:00.002+08:00

I am whatever you say I am!

The hardest part was to forget you and to get rid of you from my every thoughts. Now,the hardest part is over. The easy part has been cleared,too. Removed you from my MSN contacts. I had initially wanted to block you from my FB list too,but you beat me to it again. Removing you from my life,that's one thing I'm looking forward to right now. Goodbye!

Lust.

2010-12-29T18:17:00.001+08:00

M.I.A.

Tick.

2010-12-29T13:18:00.003+08:00

Koyak geng! I need to catch up on my sleep! I.IS.TIRED.!
Short naps in the afternoon is totally not working out. The problem now is that I may be very tired but I just can't seem to shut my eyes. It's seriously getting on my nerves! 2-3hours of sleep per day. How wonderful,right?

Zombie-looking face. Half-dead brain. Fcuking lazy body. I don't need this right now. Projects piling and datelines drawing closer. What I need right now is a nice warm hug,a warm glass of hot chocolate while I accelerate at full speed to complete whatever that's left undone at the moment. We're going to have many head-banging episodes for the next few days.

I.WANT.TO.PRESS.THE.PAUSE.BUTTON.!

Fire.

2010-12-28T22:54:00.002+08:00

Totally unexpected. I actually forgot about my dream. How wonderful! I didn't know how to react,really. I'm really sorry. A million apologies. I wish I could have expressed to you how I felt at that moment,but I can't. I was at loss of words. But above all,thanks for today. No matter what,you still made me smile.

Akid.

2010-12-27T23:01:00.003+08:00

Muhd Akid. Da one year,bro! I'm missing you so much! There's that hole in my heart that hasn't been filled yet. Tomorrow,I promise you,I'm going to visit you or in this case your grave. I'll clean it up for you and say afew prayers,hoping it'll make you smile over there. I just want you to know that I'm doing better now,but never perfect. I went over to your place earlier today,just so you know. Your mum was very welcoming,as usual. We exchanged memorable stories of you. We laughed and tried so hard to hold back our tears. She still keep your things,you know.

Ok. Tomorrow. Visit Muhd Akid's grave. Meet up with Wanie,Nazurah,Shakirah,Didi(maybe) and not to forget MATAHARI too. Lunch and God knows what we're going to do next. New Year in 3 days. How wonderful!

Spree.

2010-12-27T01:16:00.002+08:00

Bombs away!! Ok, I decided not to remove my previous post because somehow it helped me let go of some burden. Butbut,I feel rather pathetic sometimes,knowing I live in fear over some matters. Getting over it will never be easy,like how some people attempt to get over their fear of heights. Even the silliest thing can be of great matter to us sometimes.

Lets look back at all the productive activities I've done. Besides work,I did absolutely nothing! Awesome! Projects piling. Dates overwhelming. Can I just shoot myself in the head right now? URGH! Is this life at it's best or life at it's worst? I'm confuse. They say life is full of ups and downs,like a rollercoaster ride. Disadvantages. Advantages. Crazy ideas. Whacky decisions. I am living my life alright!

I feel like punching myself in the face,sometimes. Every other time I just smile like an idiot,hoping things would turn out nicely for me. Woah! What a demand.

Btw,any kid out there needs tuition for Mathematics,English or Science? I can do tuitions. Primary school only lah. HEHE! $70-$80 per subject.

Eh,I'm hungry.

Drop.

2010-12-26T13:39:00.002+08:00

Ok. So I just had to let it out. I think. Maybe I'll remove this post after a day. Ah,I don't know lah!

In my dream,I saw you,me and many others. I don't seem to recognise those people,probably strangers or just some crowd. I couldn't tell where we were,but one thing was very clear. We were very close,and I don't mean bond. I still remember. You had your arms around me.I wasn't sure if I was pleased with it. I was rather scared but felt comfortable. Then, we ran into/met our friends and they were giving the "shocked" look while my face was blank. It wasn't that vivid. I had the dream thrice already. Worried,I must say.

Right now. There's this huge problem. I'm scared. I've never felt like this before. I think I've lost my guts. There are many things I want to tell you,but it just won't come out of my mouth. Sometimes I feel rather helpless,'cause I felt it was for the best. I don't know. Let us all meet up first,and we'll see what happens.

There are many things still left unsaid. I'm scared, actually. Not of what you might want to say, but what others would think. I know they mean well, that's why we're all friends. But above all, I'm afraid to lose you again. I'd rather lose to you than lose you.

Scared. Sound pathetic huh? Oh well. That's just how I feel right now.

Hey boy!

2010-12-25T16:57:00.002+08:00

Merry Christmas to all!!

I had a blast yesterday,eve of Christmas. I spent half the day in bed,trying to catch up on my sleep and trying hard to make the jet lag go away(wth?). Then met up with MATAHARI at 4. It was actually at 430 lah 'cause he was late. We hung out at VIVO for the rest for the day.Chatted alot,fooled around and snapped some pictures. The view was awesome,as usual.It's one of my favourite spot to chill. We managed to catch a fireworks display from afar. It was coming from USS.

After spending a very nice time with him,I went over to a friend's house for a Christmas Party which lasted all through the night. The food were great. I lost count on how many servings I had. :D It was one hell of a party! One thing I shall not forget is the one minute of silence we had,to remember our dear departed,Muhd Akid. tears were streaming down my face. I tried to hold back but it just kept flowwing. I miss him! I left roughly around 2am since I had to work that very same morning.

Anyways,I suppose this year,New Years Eve,I'm going to stay home. Maybe I'll join my friends at a party. I don't know. I haven't exactly decided.

Thanks for spending time with me,yesterday. You asked me if I felt awkward,right? Well,at that moment it did feel quite awkward but it was bearable. I was quite comfortable with it too,you know. I had a really nice time talking to you. Thanks again. :D

Fred.

2010-12-24T11:41:00.003+08:00

Ok. I'm back! This morning around 2.30++,I think. Jet lag or what! But atleast I managed to catch some sleep and I feel way better than when I arrived.

Once in a life time means there's no second chance,right? Does it also mean that we have to grab it while we can? Ah,I don't no! You know,I believe we have to cherish what we have before it's gone. Honestly,this sound so cliche,but I've learnt what it really means. There's more to spending time with our love ones. It creates a greater bond than what we thought it would. Once they leave you behind or vise versa,you'll start to realise how much you were attached to that person and how much that person has affected your life,be it good or bad. Afterall,they left a huge mark on you. It's like they planted their flags in your heart. No matter how much you think you hate that person,he/she has already made changes to your life and it's unchangeable.

I'm going back to sleep. Meeting MATAHARI at 3 later,that is if he's not late lah.hehe

Cold!

2010-12-22T01:55:00.004+08:00

Time check: 12.56pm. Lunch time over here,but it's definitely supper over at Singapore.
Times Square New York. Pizza. Starbucks. Non-stop music. Ah,city life!
I miss home already. I miss you. I miss the Sun and heat more. The weather here is giving the chills. Adapting to the change of climate at a really slow rate.

I met this girl at a Pizzeria about an hour ago. She asked if I was an international student studying there. International,yes. Student there,no. She was very friendly. Asian too,I think. We chatted abit. Well,her name was Sarah(cliche). She's 17 turning 18(like me). She's studying in NY(duh!!) and have been living in NY since she was 4. She asked if I had a boyfriend,and I just smiled. Then we went to take on the Roller Coaster together and I kinda lost track of my where my family was(oops!). Funny how I felt quite comfortable chatting with a complete stranger at that moment. We chatted as if we knew each other for long. The she asked again,"do you fancy anyone from your home town?" And I kept wondering why she kept asking that sort of question. I just smiled away. Hope to see her around for the next few days that I'll be here.

Ok,I get it. I get how you felt. Like Sarah said,"You wouldn't realise your flaws until you mirror yourself.You wouldn't know how much a person hurt until you feel it too." How can a person I just met made so much sense? I think she just knocked some more sense into my head! I shall refrain from saying 'Nothing' or atleast I'll try.

See you when I get back! I miss you lah! hehe :D

PS: It's extremely convenient to get Internet access here. Try Singapore. You won't get as much convenience there.

Landed!

2010-12-21T13:17:00.004+08:00

We have touch down! Manhattan,New York for 4 days. Winter season here is awesome! It's 12.15am over here btw. I can't sleep since it's suppose to be around 1pm in Singapore. Enjoying the night life here. I'll be back by Christmas morning! Take care,and sorry for not informing about my departure. I'll text you when I'm back or if you see me online,just nudge me. Wifi service here is great! :D

Ah,firstly,I'd dearly like to apologise for not informing a handful of people about my departure. "Abe ade hp buat pe?" It was such a last minute change of decision. I was suppose to go to Australia next week,after Christmas,but there was a big change. We decided to head up to New York instead,and left yesterday. We reached New York roughly 20hrs later. Long journey or what! No plans to stay here for Christmas since dad had already plan for a Christmas dinner on Saturday with grandma and the other relatives.We should reach Singapore around 3am on Friday.

When I get back,I wanna go catch a movie. Maybe buy a pint of B&J icecream and have them at VIVO as we watch the awesome view. Maybe if you'd like,we can go. Maybe we can have a nice conversation there. Maybe.

Oh,when I was on my way to NY,in the skies,I saw how the Sun set and disappeared in the night skies of NY. The sun reminded me of you,but it setting reminded how I didn't inform you of my departure.I'm sorry.I'll miss you for the next 4 days. See you when I get back?

Dwell.

2010-12-20T11:54:00.003+08:00

I opened my eyes and realised how it's all coming back to me. One thing I cannot easily give away - trust. All this while,all my trust was given only to this particular person who has long left me for a better place. Ever since then,I've always kept things to myself. My thoughts,my feelings and my dreams. If ever someone asked if I could share with them my thoughts,I would normally seal my lips. Now,the only person I can share my thoughts with is dearest APIZ. Sadly,he's migrating to Australia in a few days time. Does this mean I have to start giving trust to more people?

I do believe that trust is a crucial part of a relationship,but it takes a long time to build that trust. I choose to be stubborn because I'm not a fan of disappointment. I'll pick myself up when I fall. I don't exactly expect someone to be there to pick me up. No,arrogant is not the word here. When I say I'll wait for the right time to tell you something, it simply means I haven't exactly put the trust in you. I'm sorry.

Deja vu! Give me some time before I'm able to tell you things I normally keep to myself.

Fly.

2010-12-19T12:39:00.001+08:00

I thought I'll be gone for long,but a strong force was pulling me back. It's called addiction! So where was I? Oh yes, photo editing and CS! :D

Freeze.

2010-12-19T11:50:00.002+08:00

I'm back from wherever I was suppose to be,the past few days. I'm going off again.

Double.

2010-12-18T13:47:00.002+08:00

A little less worry. A little more enthusiasm. Crazy life that we're all trying to juggle.

So it's inherited. Everything that I can do,all the ability,they're inherited from dad. Every single one of it? I wonder. Is there no limit to what one is capable of?

English way of putting it: Psychic!
You can see it as a gift too. Predict the future - that's nothing to be proud of. Seriously. It's scary,sometimes. And the worst part is that you can't exactly anticipate it. I wish I can say "It's just a dream".

I don't really care if people don't believe in such thing. It's nothing to boast about,really. We are all humans afterall.

End.

2010-12-17T15:59:00.002+08:00

Finally! Finally,common tests are over for the year. Finally,I get my well deserve treat to Haagen Dazs. Finally,we met up.

I was too tired to blog yesterday. I was too tired to even turn on my laptop. I was out the whole day. Moved around so much that my leg's hurting again. Yesterday morning began with Organic Chemistry paper,which started at 9am and ended at 10am. Following that was a trip to Wendy's@Lau Pa Sat with Hazirah,Lin Hui,Aini and Hidayah for lunch. We had totally good laugh that afternoon. After lunch,we headed for Boat Quay where our photo shoot turn horribly wrong. Sort of. We ended up fooling around and just had fun. Soon after that,I met up with MATAHARI. It was definitely awkward,at first,but it got better. We went to Esplanade to shoot some pictures and I became his model. -.- I'm not really fond of being in pictures.

Anyway,yesterday while my friends and I were at Wendy's,we had a big shock. The lunch crowd there was hilarious! Seriously! Even at fastfood restaurants,people do reserve tables by placing packets of tissue paper. This is isn't the regular people we're talking about. These are people who work at CBD area,where they are considered 'high class' people with good etiquette. I guess not! Apparently,they act like typical aunties at some coffeeshop who would reserve seats with packets of tissue paper. One person was very innovative too. Since he didn't have a packet of tissue,he removed his iPhone silicon casing and used it as a substitute. OMG! It was an unforgettable experience! I thought such thing would only happen at coffeeshops.

Christmas craze. New Year craze. Shop,shop and shop summore! I had to accompany mum this morning to go shop for the kiddo's school stuff,like school shoes,stationery, bag and water bottle. Then,we went to shop for Christmas gifts for the little cousins. Went back and forth,between Tampines Mall and Tampines 1. We walked so much that my legs felt like it was going to die on me,especially after spending the whole day around town yesterday. At this rate,my leg will take forever to recover. Urgh!
Oh,Syazana had to make a new spectacle,and it cost $350. A five year old kid wears a $350 spectacle. Even Ray Ban cost way lesser than that. Gosh!

I'm starting on my new year's resolution.

Yesterday,as I stood at the roof terrace and looking down,I began thinking. I thought about what it'll be like if I had actually decided to leave Singapore. Then,there was blown up balls with writings on them,floating just outside Esplanade. It reminded me about my past. Back then,bestie bought many boxes of pingpong balls. He told me to write all that I wanted to achieve on the balls,as part of my new year's resolution. I remembered perfectly that I had written on 38 balls. Each time I achieve my goal,he'll let the ball float out at sea. I only managed to let go of 10. In the midst of achieving my 11th goal,he passed away and I never continued with the list.

Letting go is hard,but I know life we'll be easier then.
Sorry if I didn't want to share with you about what what was in my mind. It's just that I'm trying to let it go.

Break.

2010-12-15T11:46:00.003+08:00

If you ever love somebody put your hands up!~

Ah,Microbio was rather fine. It definitely had way more hope than INS paper. Quite confident with my answers although I know I made a silly mistake. Stupid me! Well, that leaves me with one more paper to go. Tomorrow will be Organic Chem. Then it'll be my break! Sweet!~

Expecting a little more life to my life. I'll be heading up to JB with the family and nenek for a Seafood Dinner at Senibong. Photo expedition,maybe? Sunday's plan has yet to be confirmed. Thought of heading to town in the evening with the younger bro. We'll see.

I wish I can say "it was just a dream". Really. I wish I could say that. No matter how much I try to convince myself that it'll all change along the way,the feelings just made me confuse even more. A great fear of disappointment is my true weakness. What else can I do about it?

Back.

2010-12-14T14:17:00.003+08:00

Firstly, FCUK INS!! It was a sure-die paper. Screw that. It's time to move on with MicroBio and Organic Chem Paper. Nothing else I can do about today's awesome paper. I wouldn't be surprise if I fail. It'll prolly be my first failed paper for the year. Great!

Anyway today,the sun shone brightly. It made me smile. First thing that came to my mind was you. :) Funny how I felt like an idiot smiling to myself as I made my way to the lecture theatre. Then,as I was walking pass the printing shop at the Engineering Block, someone else came to my mind. Mr 'Stunning looks and awesome smile'. It's been awhile since I last saw him and his smile.

Currently in the process of baking the Christmas cookies. Multitasking much!

Second.

2010-12-13T22:27:00.003+08:00

Overwhelmed! Not by the stress nor work load. I'm overwhelmed by the amount of love my friends have given lately. I feel guilty for not being able to spend more time with them. I'm juggling so many things at the moment. My dear Kecohrables came together today to surprise me with a gift I'd definitely cherish. They bought me a black Brixton Fedora. Though it's a little loose,given the fact that it's size M,I still love it very much. I'm still wondering why the sudden thought of getting me a gift? My birthday is 2 months away,and it's not like you guys didn't get me anything the previous birthday.
Afie,Boy,Kamil, Hasif, Iqbal, Nana, Jen and not to forget my dear APIZ! Thank you so very much! I miss you awesome people. I know it's going to be hard to meet up like this again. Dearest APIZ will be moving away to US very soon. Everyone else is busy with NS,work and preparing to get married. I've got a long way to go before I finish with my studies. Oh well! Adik rindu semua!

INS paper in 9.5hours. Sleep and eat INS for now. Crap!

Biarku lihat setiap kali
Engkau sinar bagai matahari
Mencerahi segalanya

MATAHARI ku.. It's still playing in my head. The dream's not haunting me anymore. But every time I thought of you,I'll recall the dream. If I were to write a book,there'll be a chapter filled with all the thoughts that's been lingering in my head. My brain's like a wonderland!

Thursday's plan. Organic Chemistry paper form 9-10am, followed by a trip down to Tanah Merah with TLC for a photoshoot. Nazurah will be meeting us there. Then,Nazurah and I will be heading off for lunch and do some catching up. I wanted to ask if you wanted to join us,but... nevermind. You'll prolly be busy. Another time then.

Beyond.

2010-12-13T11:47:00.002+08:00

One down,three more to go!

Previous post removed.

Yesterday was plain tiring,but with much pleasure. Worked with Naqiah, Nabilah, Hadidi!!, Syafie, Izzat, Kak Lina and Abang Fad. As usual, customers made small things a big deal. Meeting with the supervisor was great. Nothing much to elaborate.

The countdown begins..

Part 2.

2010-12-11T23:20:00.003+08:00

Well,a pretty productive day I must say. A little get-together with some of my friends,under the block. Studying with them with the music blasting and notes flying all across the table. It brought back memories. It was exactly how we were back then,while we were studying/mugging hard for O levels. Bottles of F&N going around. Bags of chips shifting around. Arguments heard every 15 minutes. Ah,I miss those days.Apparently,our modules do overlap. Only some of it.

Because I seem to miss your sudden appearance. Because the smile always made my day. A million more reason,I could tell you,but I know you'll never hear. Funny how I can't remember how we began a conversation together.

Ok. A sudden realisation. I don't feel anymore sharp pain when I run or jump or kick. I don't feel as much pain when I touch the torn area. All the symptoms are going away. Awesome! One thing I'm still worried about now is my fitness. My stamina is like crap! Make me run 2.4km,and I might even surrender right before the half mark. The power for my left leg is not there too.

Once common test is over, I'll make my way back up. It should take me atleast a whole month to get back into tiptop form. I'll go for my daily runs,for sure. Circuit training on alternate days. That's a hell of a plan for a comeback! I hope such intensity wouldn't further strain my muscles.

Photoshoot with TLC on Thursday. Can't wait!
Mean time,I've got a job for a corporate event coming up. It's been awhile since I did freelance photography.

Drag.

2010-12-11T13:51:00.003+08:00

Nothing much to say or talk about. Mind's filled with notes,notes and more notes. Common test in 2 days. Break,please come sooner!

Confession #18 by (Ishallnotputyourname): I miss you like crazy. Sometimes I feel like msging you,but I feel like I'm a big ass to do so. I realy do hope you'll have a nice life ahead.

Score.

2010-12-10T20:14:00.003+08:00

Countdown to the end of Sem 2 Common test. I'm tired. Fatigue strikes again. On-Off fever accompanied by flu and a horrible sore throat. All at the wrong time. Leg's still not fully recovered. What more can I ask for right now? Maybe a comforting hug and a little cuddling would be nice. The weather hasn't been nice to me. However, appetite hasn't at all been affected. Hungry,almost all the time.

Ah,texted me at midnight,as I was on my way to lalaland. Aww,so sweet. I had to sleep. It was a tiring day and I had nothing productive to do,or atleast I tried to. Sorry. My brain raised a white flag yesterday as I was well about to start on another module. So that leaves me with 2 days left to study - today and tomorrow. I'll be working on Sunday. I suppose I can bring my dear notes along,and as much as possible try to absorb as much. Looking forward to a long day working with Wanie and the rest of the Ikea Gang.

My two weeks break will start on the 17th December. Do make an appointment with me or book me in advance 'cause my schedule is going to be very packed. TYVM! :D

Derived.

2010-12-09T17:49:00.004+08:00

2 pathetic hours of school today. Pathology lecture with AK. As expected,half the class was absent. Honestly,I felt like giving it a miss too but decided to go since abang offered to drive me to school. A nice long drive with abang, from home to aunt's house at Queensway to school. I didn't see Boy at school like I always do on Thursdays. Come to think of it,I haven't seen him for a week now. Oh well.

Common test in a week and I'm studying in moderation. I'm definitely not going for the extreme. I've never did,actually. Content wise,I think INS is a potential killer. So much crap to remember.

Anyway,the kiddos are going to Jurong Bird Park tomorrow with mum and their school. They're pretty much excited. Mum bought chips and biscuits for them. She wanted to bring a camera so DSLR was the only option since the old camera didn't have any battery in them. Had to teach her to use the DSLR,even though it was set to auto. Hope she takes good care of my baby.

Orchard Cineleisure,anyone? I want to visit ROCKSTAR to get my Brixton hat. I'll probably drop by next week,with Nazurah maybe. A little change of environment too. MATAHARI,meet up soon?

Eh,I wanna get the DSLR lomo converter thingy.

Skid.

2010-12-08T22:21:00.003+08:00

Woah! Talk about the future. A little chat with dad was all it took to get me thinking again. What do I want to do? What do I want to have? Who'll be supporting me? He asked, "Do you have a boyfriend already?" HAH! That was a total shock,I must say. "No. Why?" was my reply. He went on to talk about planning my future,indicating that I was old enough to do so myself - having to choose the right guy who would be able to support me and the so-called "family" I'm going to have. "Your job and income is crucial!" is what I kept hearing. I never imagine me having this talk with my parents. Well, atleast not this soon. I've yet to graduate from poly. I've yet to finish studying. I suppose they just want me to plan ahead so I can work towards it,instead of having vague goals I wish I could achieve. A dream house, a pretty grand car, a warm family and a stable income. Wow! So,what's your plan for the future?

Right now,I'm pretty tight on time. Desperately cramping my brains with my school notes. I know,I know. It's only common test right? Wrong! Have you seen the amount of content I have to fit into my head just for an hour paper each? Oh well,that's school! It'll do me good,afterall.

Let's see what this little monster's been eating today. LOL! Breakfast was a bowl of cereals before leaving for school. As soon as I reached school,I grabbed a tuna sandwich and a cup of bandung before heading for BioChem practical. After the practical,I had Fillet-O-Fish meal upsized (iced milo) and a chocolate sundae to go with it. On the way home,I grabbed QiJi's laksa at Century Square. An hour later (dinner),decided to eat rice with stuffed fish that my dad had cooked. After dinner,while studying,I got hungry again. Since my mum was on the way home,I called her to grab something nice for me to munch on while I studied. She got me donuts! I ate 3 donuts,and while I'm typing this I feel like eating a sandwich. Something's definitely wrong with my appetite huh? :D

At this moment,MATAHARI's watching a movie. Karate Kid,if I'm not mistaken.

Ah! Stamina's like crap right now. This is the result of not having to train. This is the result of an injury. As soon as the doctor gives me the green light,which I'm praying hard that it's soon,I'll work hard into getting back into shape. Skip,Run,Gym. You name it,I'll do it. I think. I hope. I definitely have to pay a visit to my Muay Thai gym. Coach has been very worried about my condition. No worries coach,I've got a good looking nurse that'll make sure I recover.

Feel.

2010-12-07T11:27:00.002+08:00

I guess a brief moment of relieve was what I felt last night. It sort of cleared the air. It did loosen the weight that's been tying me down. For a second there,I thought it'll affect everything we had right now,but it didn't. I like it this way. Nothing was affected and just letting time tell. Honestly,I'm pretty thankful that we didn't had our usual webcam session and that the internet connection was really bad yesterday. It was as though God was telling me to "Just let it out already!". HAHAHA! Even then,there was much hesitation.

Okay,there's nothing much to do at the moment. School starts at 3pm today. We're just going to spend 2 pathetic hours torturing ourselves with INS lecture,the most boring lecture with the most annoying lecturer to accompany. Basically,the day is pretty dull. The only thing I can smile about today is my amazing appetite despite me being sick. That's not a surprise,I bet. I had 3 Ham&Cheese sandwiches with a tall glass of orange juice,and yet I'm still hungry! Since Mum didn't cook for me lunch before going to work,I'll have to go buy lunch before heading for school. I'm contemplating between BK or KFC. I know it's a little unhealthy for me to consume these food while I'm sick,but it's been awhile since I had them. Fever and flu didn't affect my appetite at all. Prangai monster,I know! :D

Post.

2010-12-06T19:27:00.007+08:00

WARNING: Today's post is going to be extremely long. I think.

To start off this post,I'm going to list down 10 random facts about me with some elaborations,as requested by my dear friend Mira. Although I've listed 30 on a note on Facebook,I will still fulfill her request here.

1. I love food! I love to eat! I get hungry so easily. Even after having a heavy lunch/dinner,I'll end up wanting to eat somemore. If I'm still awake in the middle of the night,even in the wee hours,I'll start craving for food and go hunting in the kitchen for something to fill my stomach. Many people who knows me would know this fact.

2. I have many habits which some people consider annoying,cute and/or weird. Who doesn't have habit,right? I'll list down a few.
- I like to say my sentence halfway through and then decide not to continue. When I type,I don't really use my pinky finger,and it'll sort of point away from the keyboard,like when princess hold their cup of tea.

3. I don't like to talk on the phone,especially for long hours. I hate it when we have awkward silence,and when I feel like I sound funny over the phone.

4. I think I'm quite paranoid,sometimes. LOL! I can't seem to elaborate on this point.

5. I have a list of words that i use so often. "Awesome!","Nothing!", "Takde pape lah!", "Anything", "Aites", and many more.

6.I love to watch the sunrise and sunset. They're nature's beauty.

7. I am sometimes known as Ms "Been-there-done-that". Most of the time,when people ask me something like "Eh,have you been to this place?" or "Eh,have you gone to this place?", my answer would be YES!

8. I love the colour orange. My iTouch casing is orange. My headphone is orange. I used to have an orange watch.

9. People always mistaken me for a chinese. ALWAYS!

10. I love to cook,apart from the super active lifestyle I'm living. I cook mostly western food and mediterranean food. I guess I inherited it from my dad!

There you go,Mira. Hope you enjoy my ramblings!

Moving on. Christmas is drawing near. As most Americans would put it,eve of Christmas is a supposed to be a Magical night. I may not believe in it,nor do my religion,but it's the season to be jolly! For the past years,I've celebrated Christmas with my loved ones - family,friends and even my boyfriend(ex). This year,I think there's going to be a change. My family is planning to have our annual Christmas dinner on Christmas itself,unlike every other year where we had it on the eve. This is due to the fact that my dad has to work on Christmas eve. As for my friends,they'll be off for a holiday.Yes,most of them. I've yet to decide what I'll be doing on the eve. Should I head for town or should I stay home? Oh well.

I can relate my emotions/situation with songs I hear. Don't you? Like right now,I'm in a state of confusion and a particular song that is able to speak my mind is "Please don't let me go" by Olly Murs. I've officially fallen in love with this song. The song totally expresses my feelings that I'm keeping. Yes,I have to admit that I'm rather secretive. I'm afraid to tell the person what I'm feeling right now and what is running through my mind for the past few days/weeks. I'm afraid of what that person might say or react to it. Reason being,I think I've hurt the person's feelings before. I don't know. I'm confuse. Fear is taking control of my emotions. Well, maybe one day the person would find out and save me from falling into pieces by saying it. Fear.

Where do I begin?Should I tell you how bad I need you now? You're underneath my skin but I'm confused.My head is spinning all around.I waited so long.
I need to know, darling.What is on your mind?

Normally I try to run and I might even want to hide 'sause I never knew what I wanted till I looked into your eyes. So am I in this alone? What I'm looking for is a sign that you feel how I feel for you.Baby please don't let me go.

And that decision I've told you I've made? Well,I've decided to go with the flow. I'm not going to try to prevent it or what so ever. Like you've said countless of times,"Up to you". Yes,it's up to me right? Let's just see what will happen. As much as I want my dreams to stay as dreams for most occasions,I'd like this particular one to surprise me. I have to admit that I'm quite shock,having seen part of what could eventually be reality. Never had I once thought of it. Now,it keeps replaying in my head like it's haunting me. I'm not saying it's a bad thing,but it's like something I should anticipate. Oh well!

Dear Allah,only you know how I'm feeling deep down. Maybe it's not the right time yet. I'm not sure about his feelings for me. Maybe it's best if I just keep things as they are now. I don't have the guts to tell anyone what I'm feeling right now.

Hut.

2010-12-05T20:51:00.005+08:00

Ok. A not so good Sunday. It may be quite productive,but it wasn't at all awesome,maybe only the part where Abang Iwan came over to exchange stories with. We took a walk to Sungai Api-Api and chatted for a little while. We had so much to catch up on. Apparently, he thinks I'm attached. What a joke!
Joke of the day: "Abang wan ingat adik attached. Boleh tolong plan grand wedding!" Siow! Even if I was attached,getting married will never be in my thoughts for now. Gila punye orang! -.-

So,like any other nights,right now I'm chatting and webcam-ing (if there's such thing lah) with MATAHARI.

Oh,I've completed my French written assignment and sort of studied for pharmaceutics test. I don't care if I flung my french,seriously,'cause it's not included in our GPA and it's freaking difficult to adapt to it's language within a short period of time.It's hurting my brains. haha!

Just remembered my ex used to call me SUMMER. Aww..

I can't wait for common test to end,'cause there are many things I want to do,like watching movies,going around Singapore and just plain relax for a little bit. Anyone care to join me? Have to start making plans and people,do book me in advance. Thanks! hee! :D

Ages.

2010-12-04T23:35:00.002+08:00

Work was extremely tiring today. Customers making a fuss out of little things. Making complains and emailing them to our Supervisor over stupid things. "Mak bapak korangnye company ke pe?" Idiotic people! Today,I had to become the floater. I had to hold $5000,alone! Moving counter to counter for every hour. I had to keep going up and down from restaurant to cash office. Then,I had to do stock count in the storeroom for Angeline. My leg hurt so bad that I had to limp my way around. Gosh! Thank God there was Wanie,Naqiah,Nabilah,Izzat,Syafie,Hazel and Didi!!

Chatting and having silly conversations with MATAHARI right now. It seems like it's becoming a nightly routine. Oh well. Keep waiting for the right time kay MATAHARI ^^. And don't ask me why I call you that.

So,I am officially bikeless. Uncle managed to sell CINTA away at a good price. I'll find a replacement once I get my license,I think. Hope CINTA and his new owner would be happy,or atleast the owner would be happy enough to spend loads of money on it's maintenance. hahaha.CINTA gave alot of problem ever since we crashed at Jakarta. I spent alot of money trying to get it back in good form,but it wasn't enough. I had to let it go,anyway.

Tele.

2010-12-03T20:50:00.003+08:00

The other day,I had a dream. You were in it. I was shocked. The dream made me confused,as soon as I woke up. I felt rather weird. It's like I was filled with mixed emotions. I couldn't understand my feelings. I wanted to tell you, but every time I tried,it seemed really awkward. The past and the next few days became even more awkward. I kept thinking of you,and it seems like the sense of care is starting to grow. Then that day, we had that awkward moment where questions were never asked, and the atmosphere turned rather cold. I wanted to tell you what was running through my mind at that moment,but I couldn't. There are many things I want to tell you,but I don't know where to start and don't know what would be the outcome. I guess I'm scared. Saying sorry was a good start,I suppose,but it stayed hanging. Maybe next I should say the many thanks I wished I had said earlier,especially for making me smile constantly. Just so you know,I feel like the atmosphere's getting colder.

Ah,I've made my decision. I'm staying. I can list a thousand reasons why,but only one matters most. I'm not ready to leave. I'm not ready to leave what I've rebuild,reopened and the people/things that I'm still holding on to. It's just so hard to part right now. I know it'll probably be my only chance,but if I work hard,I might even get a better offer. People say it's an opportunity of a life time,but I think there are many other opportunities out there. You just have to work for it.

Oh yes. I wonder what it'll be like to finally meet up,like that will ever happen any time soon.

Travel.

2010-12-02T23:57:00.002+08:00

Right. Lost my mood. Frowns. Ah,I don't give a damn! Feeling extremely agitated. I felt rather low the whole day. Only reason to smile was that Pathology test was sort of a breeze. Going out for some fresh air. At this hour? Well,yes.

Cold.

2010-12-02T21:55:00.002+08:00

Pathology test was great! Extremely happy with my answers! Thanks for wishing me luck to the few even though it's not a major test. Really appreciated them. Up next,Pharmaceutics paper and French Oral test on Monday.

Anyway,Nazurah came over to NYP today to study. Then we toured around the school and ran into several of my friends and a number of cute guys(according to Nazurah). It's my turn to go over to SP on any of my free days.

Multitasking at this hour. 6 MSN conversations at one time,blogging,FB-ing and talking on the phone buddy(giving directions). Crazy day! Tired too.

Drag.

2010-12-01T21:03:00.003+08:00

The head's/brain's definitely taking a beating. Cruelty kicks in. Stuffing my not-so-big brains with loads of things. Worries,school notes and more notes. Well,that's life. Brain's working overtime for the last and next few days,and probably weeks. Walks don't seem to work anymore. I'm not going to try the addiction again. Fresh air don't seem to be as fresh as before. I smell trouble no matter what.

Anyway,I met up with Nazurah today. Like finally! Talked,talked,eat and talked some more. Catching up,I suppose. She's coming over to NYP to study tomorrow. I think. There's loads we have yet to share. There's loads of memories that were brought up.

I'm not going to be bothered anymore,whether or not you respond to any of my sms or messages on FB. You want to be cold towards me? Two can play the same game,my friend. Don't blame me if one day you realise that I did have a point and you didn't respond to it. It takes 2 hands to clap,but looks like all the effort is only coming from me. Ikhlas,if you know what I mean. I truely apologise for whatever I may have done to you. It's up to you,whether or not you want to except it. It looks like you've definitely moved on with someone new,who apparently made you feel like I'm invinsible. A simple 'Hi' would be nice,you know. Oh well. Life must go on.

The week's finally going to be over. There's Pathology test tomorrow,which I'm sort of prepared for and looking forward to it. Then there's skating with Hazmi,Ibnu and Haziq on Friday after school even though my leg is still not in good condition. Can't wait to meet the guys!

Christmas in 24 days. Looking forward to Christmas dinner on the eve,or maybe we're having it on Christmas itself. We'll see,but whatever it is,there's going to be loads of food and awesome time! I'll definitely bake cookies like the past years. This year I'll bake one batch of Chocolate chip cookies and one batch of gingerbread cookies 'cause not everyone likes gingerbread cookies right? Cheers!

Old.

2010-11-28T23:00:00.002+08:00

2 years was long. Many changes took place. I changed,you changed. I realised my mistakes I did back then. The so-called new life that I'm leading,it's full of crazy memories of my past. What I thought I've left behind,is slowly coming back. You,for example. Now that you're back in my life,it's weird how it's turning out to be. Somehow,you just keep me smiling. Honestly,it's still unbelievable that we're communicating after 2 years of silence and disappearance.

Anyway,Post IVP was great! I had loads of fun and totally enjoyed myself. A day of crazy antics and much more laughter. You'll never get bored,being around these bunch of people who I can now label as awesome. A team full of spirit and bond. Too bad I had to miss the Ubin trip due to my leg injury. The whole event went rather smooth. The games definitely cracked us up. One thing I'll never forget is the part where the girls had a little 'discussion'. "Do you have/Have you had any feelings for any of the guys in the Silat team?" That totally caught me off guard. It was a shocking question,no doubt. Then again,I felt quite relieved after admitting it. I won't say who was the person I mentioned. The scary part is when Nessa told me that she sort of knew who the person was already. She could sense it. Damn!

What is there to look forward to for the next few days/weeks/months? Well,there's common test coming up,2 weeks break coming up,College orientation and much much more! I really do hope my leg would recover soon. It's really a pain,having to face such obstacle when something you desire has something in it's way. Missing IVP is a great disappointment. Have to miss sports for about a month is a torture!

Coach asked us to pick an idol to motivate us,and I've chosen you. You're a great example of a "never say die" attitude.

Race.

2010-11-25T20:09:00.002+08:00

It's been awhile since I felt like this. The familiar sound of his name would make me smile. The sight of him would simply make my day. Let's stop right here. Fantasising it is all I can do right now. I'll never take the risk of letting him know. It's just this fear I have. Ah,fear. Something I'm not proud of. Pathetic is it's bestfriend.

Recently,I've been very interested in the job scope of a Paramedic. But the thing is, my parent's are not really supporting this weird interest of mine. Oh well.

Btw,my leg's not improving,but neither is it getting worst. The condition is kind of stagnant. The pain is still there. The best part is I can finally see the bruised spot. You know,like blue-black. When I squat or bend my knees and then release it,the pain will start to kick in and I'll start limping again. I can walk normally,but only for a short distance. Anywhere further than SCL block to the sports hall,the pain will kick in and I'll start limping. Looks like I won't be joining the Silat team in this Saturday's cycling trip to Ubin. Damn! IVP? Maybe not.

Lane.

2010-11-25T10:13:00.002+08:00

It's Thursday. Only Thursday,but it feels like a Friday. Seriously! The week is barely over and I'm already shagged. School in 4 hours,but I've yet to get ready.

Post IVP on Saturday. Should I go for the Ubin cycling trip,since my nice Supervisor decided to give me an off day on that day? I'm definitely attending the bbq in the later part of the day,but I haven't decided on the cycling trip. Though my leg hasn't recover yet,I should be able to sustain the whole trip. Right? I mean it sounds fun. Ubin is my homeland too. Well,sort of. My grandfather lives there,for real! I used to go there often for bbq,cycling trips and fishing trips. I miss that place. I know the place inside-out! Atleast I hope I still do.

I have one more day to decide.

High.

2010-11-24T19:07:00.002+08:00

One thing led to another. What was all that about? Right now,all I'm feeling is guilt! I know,somewhere and somehow,I was the reason why they broke up. Why did I even appear in the picture at that point of time? I have no idea. I had no idea that they were together,anyway. I had no intentions to separate them.

Now that I know the reason,I wish I had just disappeared and never came back in the picture. Honestly,I feel like it wasn't at all my fault. She,as a friend,didn't tell me and didn't warn me. I came back because I felt I had abandoned the clan for far too long since I started working. Going back to help out and to do some catching up with them was all that was intended. Thanks for everything. You were truly a friend.

Note.

2010-11-22T00:17:00.003+08:00

Dear SUNSHINE,
I miss you. I miss seeing you smile. I miss talking to you. I miss laughing over silly jokes with you. There's a long list of things that I miss about you. Right now,what worries me most is the thought of not seeing you for a very long time. I find you really amusing,yet cute, when you laugh. Apparently,that never fails to make my day. I'd always look forward to seeing you. But now,there's no reason for me to see you all the time,like it used to be.
-END-

Loads of controversial issues with the NYP Silat coaches,at the moment. This is exactly the same issue my ex team (PRECC) was facing,and it did collapse and fell in the hands of a bunch of loonatics who knew nuts about how well the team was bonded. As a result of their foolish acts,the team fell apart. I'll pray very hard,that NYP Silat team will hold on tight to each other and stay strong despite having to face a dilemma. The team already have many priced possessions. But the most important thing is the team spirit. Dare to dream,guys! Yes,IVP is just a mere 3 months away. Yes,some are way underprepared. But look at it this way,if you push them too hard,they will still fall and crash without even getting to the top. We have more important commitments,like school. Afterall,it's just a CCA. The team may be pressurised by the fact that they were overall champ in the last IVP,but it shouldn't be the reason why they should be pressed over their limits.
Ala..I'm too lazy to continue. All that I'd like to add are mere repetition of what I've said before when the idiots were on their way to ruining team PRECC,overall champion for InterGrasio. We won both,overall seni and overall champ. We were undefeatable! We were the best among all,because we had that bond that no other team has. It was the team spirit! One team,one heart! NYP Silat Team reminds me so much of my ex team.

Flow.

2010-11-17T09:58:00.002+08:00

Only the fun,joy and laughter can make us stronger and stay united as a team. Don't let a political conflict affect the bond we have. Stay strong. One team,one heart! A journey we'll travel through together. The support we have for each other. Believe!

Shoot.

2010-11-16T23:03:00.003+08:00

I've this sudden interest in the career prospect of a Paramedic. I have no freaking idea why! And I've been thinking over and over again,as to why I did not put nursing as one of my choices when I was enrolling for poly. I had initially wanted that as one of my options but I didn't include it. Funny huh? Oh,excuse me for my english this time round. I can't be bothered.

Anyway,Salam Eidul Adha to all my fellow muslim friends and families. May you have a joyous celebration with your family. May all that are performing the Hajj this year return home safe.

Oh,did I mention that I got injured yesterday during training? I was executing a jump. When I landed,my left thigh muscle was in pain. It was really intense. I tried to hold back my tears. The 'nurses'(hazmi,nessa and ibnu) attended to me. They were shock and I think the were clueless as to what they should do. In the end,we decided on RICE (Rest,Ice,Compress and Elevate). The pain was unbearable as I made my way home. Thus,I decided to visit my doctor for some treatment and medication the next day(today). It's 'Grade 2 Thigh strain'. Cool!

Change.

2010-11-14T00:41:00.004+08:00

Just because something major is approaching earlier than expected,it doesn't mean you have to step on the accelerator to it's maximum. That's considered attempting a murder. Yes,you want to put up a hard fight with your opponents,but don't you think technique plays a bigger part,and so does focus?

I remember when I was in the national team,I don't recall having to run at every training session. Though we had training every single day,and sometimes on weekends too,but coach never pushed us way over our limit. Having to run 2.4km or more at every training/before trainings is really going to rip the soul out of everyone. Instead of running, intensed workouts that incorporate both skills/techniques and power/stamina could be substituted in. Oh,it doesn't bore the hell out of you too. I remembered our coach, Abang Dzul,pushing us hard during training,but it was fun 'cause there was distribution.

I know that we've got a limited amount of time to prepare,but there is no way accelerating to one's limit is going to help. Slowly pick up the pace,that's more like it. Furthermore,there some who are new into this. Pushing them extremely hard would risk having them falling off the cliff. One man goes down,everyone else follows. It's a team,no matter which category you are in.

Oh,physical fitness test on Monday 5pm,before Seni/Performance training. Sweet! Hold on,do I still go? I finish lessons at 6pm. And do I want to go/prepared for the test? Most likely,no. Afterall,we're no superman! I never thought an explosive team was lead by a (feel in the blank). No offence.

I miss training with team PRECC,with Abang Razali leading the team. Intensive (not so much running) trainings, technique 'workshop',skill amendments, mind focussing activities,breathing techniques and some relaxing activities.

I guess things have changed. Or maybe people have the wrong mindsets about achieving the best. Oh well! I am in no position to change what things are right now.

Detour.

2010-11-13T11:56:00.002+08:00

I'm back! Yes,I'm not dead nor was I abducted by aliens. I've just been super busy lately. Something's going wrong this semester. I'm not talking about not focussing on school,but just some other things. I've been pretty much running around doing so many things,and sometimes I feel like 24hr is too ridiculously short. Also,not to forget the amount of energy I have to keep me going each day is quickly wearing off. Fatigue,like no other.

Silat performance in 6 days,at SGH. Things went pretty smooth,with Hazmi leading the team through training and choreography. Ofcourse things got intense when coach was around. Running 2.4km before a seni training,so not effective! After 2.4km run,our legs will be tired and our moods will dampened. Thus,our performance during training wouldn't be explosive! I know this very well,'cause I once coached a Seni/Demo team and we were told not to have intensive warmups before training. Intensive/skills training should be a separate one, to concentrate fully on stamina,power and techniques. Intensive trainings would interfere with one's focus in displaying a well executed choreographed movement. Ah!

Anyway,today is Kak Fina and Abang Boi's engagement day. Thus,I had to miss today's Silat training. No full team today.

Oh well. Health's not getting better.

Trash.

2010-11-07T23:41:00.003+08:00

Talk about time management,man! I'm managing my time,but there's one problem. I think 24hr is starting to feel shorter. Unexpected rescheduling to do. Training is taking over my life for now. After performance,there is IVP to train for. On top of that,there is MT selection to train for and projects to complete. Oh,I'm not complaining. Really. I think I'll get used to all these again by next week. Well, atleast I hope. It's been awhile since my schedule's been so packed with major activities.

I get to have more sleep. With fatigue,my brain's timing to go off has adjusted from 2am to 11pm daily. I'm making use of every bit of my extra time to catch up with friends,and at the same time to do revision. This is sem is going to be short one, and I've got to step on the accelarator now.

Btw,I think my asthma is back. That is bad! I can't last a friggin 2.4km run anymore. I need my stamina back in top form,but asthma is kinda stopping it. Gosh!

Halo.

2010-11-05T14:00:00.002+08:00

Happy Deepavali to all my indian friends and to my paternal side.

A short week,indeed! It feels nice,to be home on a Friday with everyone around. Long weekend for most,but not for me. Saturday morning would start off with Silat training followed by a not so nice time at work. Sunday would be full steam ahead towards revision and maybe a little time spent with some buddies. Then,it'll be Monday all over again.

I'm looking forward to December. So,November please go by real quick! There are many things planned out,and I'm sure they will all be awesome!

Lies.

2010-11-02T23:06:00.002+08:00

One word. FATIGUE! Feel like collapsing. I think I'm falling ill. I shall not let that happen. Since tomorow ALL lessons are cancelled,I shall stay home and catch up on my rest and sleep. Officially,my rest time will start around 5am,as sson as I finish work at 4am and reach home by 430am(by cab). Since,I thought,I won't be schooling tomorow,why not work the night before right? WRONG! Night shift is horrible,especially when you have to rush down to settle something which,supposedly,is your supervisor's job. Thank God for the pay raise and free taxi rides!

Gotta get back to work now. Adios!

Cross.

2010-11-01T23:24:00.003+08:00

Great! I'm taking back whatever I said yesterday,about me being prepared and all. The thing is, I feel like the walls around me are crashing and the roof caving in. Crap! It's only Monday and fatigue's kicking in. No matter how much energy I try to refill my system with,it's all being used up.

School was kinda okay today. Nothing out of the ordinary,besides Hidayah punching a complete stranger by accident. After school,there was Silat performance training. That was when the fatigue starts kicking in. I've never acted all goofy infront of my friends or friends that I just made. There's one part where we had to do a freestyle movement to go with the Technologic song. Hazmi was doing sort-of a robot movement,which looked really good. Us? It was a total disaster. I think our body was too stiff and we were kinda shy to move our bodies like that infront of the others. In the end,we did relaxed abit and managed to bust some silly movement. Now,we kinda look like the Power Rangers,especially with our synchronised movements and hand patterns similar to the Power Rangers.

Tomorow,another long day. Another day for us to train. Another day for me use up all my energy. Great! How in the world am I suppose to survive the whole week at this rate?

Reasons.

2010-10-31T23:37:00.002+08:00

Because I never wanted you to know..
Because people would never believe in such cliche..
Because 'I Love You' would always mean 'I'll hurt you'..

Monday in half an hour time. Feel the blues? Not for me. I'm all ready to go trough another week of my life. Tomorow will be the start of a very well planned lifestyle,or whatever you shall call it. I really hope things go smoothly this month. Fitness back on track,studies still on the same track and crushes still lingering and distracting. Life's awesome,I suppose!

"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead!" - Barney Stinson.

1st November in half an hour time. Another month have past,another memories made. Taking things real slow for now. What's gone is gone. It'll never return! Let it be a lesson for us all. What lays ahead of us is the future,an unpredictable road. Though,I've got to admit that some thngs are hard to let go off.

Oh well!

Prepare!

2010-10-31T01:06:00.002+08:00

Alright.Here's the plan for the coming weeks to come. I'm going to run my 2.4(every week), attend seni trainings(for an up coming performance at SGH), do weekly revisions on the week's lecture,TRY to turn in early,attend regular Silat trainings(tuesdays, wednesdays and Saturdays),atleast attend KBX once a week unless performance training comes in the way and ,finally, stop missing MT trainings. Gosh!

After spending several hours planning my schedule,I've made sure I have enough time for other stuff like hanging out with my budds,doing random stuff and whatever I feel like doing on days that I'll be free.

This sem is getting better and better. But last week was rather tiring. I'm not exactly sure why.Oh well!

Halloween with the kakis was awesome. Escape Theme Park on the first night,and Night Safari on the second. Spooked the hell out of all of us! Next year,we're not going to miss it! Picture's up on multiply. Evil clowns have left the building!

HIMYM

2010-10-27T00:09:00.000+08:00

There are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it is a mistake is to make that mistake and look back and say, "Yup, that was a mistake". So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you'll go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not.

This kept me thinking..

Time.

2010-10-25T22:25:00.002+08:00

Over the years,I've changed alot. Mostly my character and mindset. Yes,this obviously proves that people do change. Some parts of me grew stronger and wiser and the other parts just grew weaker. I guess,it just balances everthing.

I do alot of thinking now. I think about all the possible outcome of my actions. Though sometimes I do not think before i act,do understand that it's just part of life. Some actions are beyond your control. Then again,not everything requires thinking. I've been watching How I Met Your Mother,and season 1 has taught me quite alot of relevant stuff. Really. You have to watch it. Sadly,I'm stuck at Season 2, all thanks to the downloader. So Dzul,could you be nice enough to transfer the rest of the seasons to my laptop? Thanks a million!

By the way,have you people watched a video on Youtube,where 3 girls talk trash about how they hate Minahs. That's an example of action before thinking,and it's a huge mistake. Those underage girls are going to get into major trouble with the minahs out there. Can't they just keep their comments to themselves? Oh,I forgot. They're a bunch of immature kids. Honestly,I felt disgusted and had the urge to slap them if given the opportunity. You can view the video on my FB wall.

Fill.

2010-10-24T23:11:00.002+08:00

Ah! Life's pretty mundane right now. I haven't figured out what went wrong after holidays ended. I kinda miss going to work and spending so much time with the gang. Then again,when I was working during the hols,I miss hanging out with my school peeps. It's such a confusion!

Starting this sem,I'll be joining the school's Silat team. I think. My first ever training will commence this Thursday. We'll be training for a performance. My first ever training with the team,and we're preparing for a performance. Pressure or what!

Anyway,today was a pretty productive day. Started off the day with a nice run in the morning,followed by a nice breakfast at home. I had prepared for myself some pancakes with sauteed bananas accompanied by a glass of orange juice. Doesn't that just make you feel hungry? Afterbreakfast was just some plain old self training and a whole lot of catching up with some friends. Incredible day,indeed! Too bad it had to end.

BECAUSE YOU NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME SMILE!

run.

2010-10-22T20:32:00.002+08:00

Woah! I'm really pissed right now. It's obvious that I didn't do anything wrong, and yet you still want to argue with me. If this gets out of hand,I'm just going to walk out of the conversation and leave for some fresh air. Now I remember why I just love to stay go out,even if it means being alone. To keep my mind occupied,I decided to do some tutorial worksheet. It's quite a remedy.

When you smile,the world stops and stares for while.

Lines.

2010-10-20T22:26:00.002+08:00

Cross borders. Finishing line. Intruding. Never did get the theory of being straight - right. No one's perfect. Mistakes are lessons,right? Set a line between people. Ever crossed it? A reason behind it? Ah,I know. It thought me one thing. Never get in the way of people's ego,especially guys. I guess that's why we usually give in to them.

How has day 3 of Sem 2 been for me? Super-di-duper awesome! Laughed,laughed and laughed summore. Oh,not to forget being EVIL. "Whoever finds the BP book in the library is such an asshole!" Only we know why. This is the part where we do our little evil laughs. MUAHAHAHA! Right.

No,I haven't gotten my appetite nor my mood back. I'm still feeling really worried and awkwardly uneasy. If this is going to carry on for the next few days, I hope I won't revert back to my old habits in getting things off my head. That's history now!
Btw,haven't seen several people in school for the past few days. More like many,actually.

Wrong!

2010-10-19T22:42:00.003+08:00

Something is so wrong! I haven't been myself since last night. I've been feeling really awkward lately. No appetite. No mood. I wish I knew what was wrong. I just wish. Something's been really distracting me. I'm not sure if I'm worried over someone or something or many people. My heart's trying to tell me something,but my brain isn't receiving anything. Connection error,maybe?

Today,when I got home,my family was supposed to have rice for dinner with curry chicken and some other dishes. However,the rice wasn't cooked properly. No,it wasn't the rice cooker that's spoilt. We checked. I'm not too sure how to explain this,but it's just that my dad and I sensed something was wrong. It's like something's been messing around with us. This incident happened before at my old place,before we shifted. Rice wasn't cooked properly too. Feng shui wasn't right too. A few days later,my dad found a little parcel wrapped with a cloth. I'm not trying to scare anyone,but it was honestly not a nice feeling. It's like someone sent something to disturb the peace in my home. As for my current house,my younger brother and I are still on the hunt for whatever that could relate to this uneasy feeling I have,and put an end to this! In the end,we had instant prata with lots of curry.

I'm still feeling uneasy. Put whatever's happening at home aside. I think I'm worried for someone or that someone is constantly in my head. Funny thing is that I don't know who the person is. Whenever I have a heavy heart,something would happen. It never fails to take place,but this time round it didn't. This is really scary. Is God testing my patience? Will something happen eventually?

Still not over you.

2010-10-19T00:52:00.003+08:00

Okay. This is really random. My brain was overflowing with juices and my hands were despearate to scribble stuff down. This is the end result of it. Crap,I know.
I wasn't even bothered about the grammar nor rhyming words and what other crappy stuff. Gerald,can you turn into a song? Or can anyone turn it into a song. I'd like to hear it,someday. LOL! Anyway,it's called 'Still Not Over You'.

It started off so well.
You and me - it was passion.
No troubles,never dwell.
If only we could go on.

I didn't see it coming.
Those waves,they came crashing.
It knocked me off my feet
and now it's called defeat.

Baby,honestly I miss you.
No pain would ever stop me.

Could you give me one more chance?
I'll show you what it means to me
To have you by my side
To hold you in my arms

Could you put some faith in me?
I'll show you what it made me feel
To have you by my side
To hold you in my arms

I'm still not over you.

ç'est bon!

2010-10-18T21:15:00.002+08:00

Bonjour! Je m'appelle Adéle. Okae. That'll be my French name for this Semestre. As you can see,day one of Sem 2 went pretty well. It was pretty awesome,as a matter of fact. Laughed our asses off,thanks to Hidayah. What a great start!

Anyway,I managed to get my South Canteen nuggets after school,but it was a total mistake. I only remembered that I had a friendly match this evening,after consuming half of the nuggets on the way back from school. Great. I was praying hard it wouldn't affect my weigh in,which didn't eventually. Great! Oiled up and was set for my match,but my opponent wasn't ready. Thus,I ended up FB-ing while waiting. Warm up seemed to be cooling down. Get it? AHAKZ!

1st round was boring. She wasn't as aggresive as I thought she'd be. I did a whole lot of push kick and landed some pretty good kicks to her inner thigh,and I think she was trying to resist the pain.
2nd round got better. She attempted several punch to my face and had many failed kicks. In malay terms,it'll be "tendang angin" or kicking air. I knew she was frustrated cause she kept giving that scary stare. SCARY!
3rd round. Exhausted. Was in desperate need of water and air. I wonder why. Anyway,I have to admit that this round was my worst.I let my guard down most of the time. I did get to land several punches to her face,but it didn't rock the boat. Final minute came and I kept pushing hard. Pressured her to the corner and attacked.
Results: I won. Not a good fight. Wasn't even prepared for it. Somewhere between my chest and stomach hurts a little. My thigh is red,like duh! No swollen eye this time!

Next fight,I'll be more prepared. I hope.

Burst.

2010-10-17T22:15:00.002+08:00

School's finally starting tomorrow. I'm confused. Should I be excited or disappointed? Obviously,no one really looks forward to a hell of a schooling week,but I'm sure there's much more to expect than just lectures,tutorial and lab. With school starting,my trip to work will be cut short. This means there'll be less time spent with the Gang. Oh well!

Anyway,I've been,pretty much,enjoying my holiday. One word: OUT! Yup,I've been going out alot. Hanging out with my friends and accompanying people to places. One occasion that have made a huge impact on my holiday is a day out with the Ikea Gang. It made us closer than ever! Of melodies and sweet memories~

"Yes,I like you." I wish that was way easier. Before I actually say that,I have to think about where I'm going to hide my face after doing so,where my pride would flee to and what would the person's respond be. I guess,it'll never happen huh?

Well,happy schooling people! I can't wait to see my schoolmates! Oh,not to forget South Canteen's nuggets,wedges and rice!

One day I'll find you.

2010-10-17T17:55:00.001+08:00

Lomo.

2010-10-14T12:21:00.003+08:00

Alamak! Thanks ehk,now I'm very fascinated by Lomography ever since I saw those camera lined up nicely by the glass window at that one particular shop where we stopped first. I'm thinking of getting one. Should I? But I'm not sure how much it'll cost. It's friggin' fascinating! I want to go back to the shop again! Thanks yea?

Look at the picture above. It does wonders y'know. Go check it out online and you'll see why I'm very fascinated by it. Damn! Thanks again,my friend. :\

Locked.

2010-10-13T21:30:00.004+08:00

Something's been bugging me! It's really irritating. The best part about it is that I have no friggin' idea what it exactly is. Is it someone,or something? I've been very distracted,for the whole entire day!

Anyway,someone got a new set of guitar today. I think. Guess he really liked it at the first sight of it the other day. Somewhat like he fell in love with the guitar. It was a good deal,in fact! Swee Lee. Liked he said "everything there is swee". No kidding.

I’m scared I won’t add up to your expectations. I’m not perfect, I’m not gorgeous, I don’t have the prettiest smile or the most banging body. I’m not going to be cute every second of the day & I’m not always going to look my greatest. I’m not always going to know the right thing to say & the right time to say it. I am very emotional & I do have pretty bad moodswings. I usually over react over dumb little things & cry over nothing. I’m afraid I won’t add up to your ex girlfriend, but I am willing to try my hardest. I get jealous but that only proves that I care enough not to lose you. I make assumptions & I will argue until I get my point across. I’m impatient, insecure & at times, selfish - but I’m trusting you with something that I know you can break. I’m going to trust you with everything I’ve got & put my heart out for everyone to see. I’m going to accept you for the person you are & love you for the person you help me to be. So if you choose to love me, then love me for me - for who I am, for what I hope to become, for the drama that you’re going to have to go through & for the flaws I come with.

-From a source in tumblr. This is exactly what I'd like to say.

Eyes.

2010-10-12T19:17:00.004+08:00

"Even when I meet you, I know I can't have you, I know that I would try, and mess it up. What can I do about it anyway?"
Well,that's life as we know it.

Swarovski.

2010-10-12T15:52:00.004+08:00

Each and everyday,you discover something new - about yourself,about others. Each and every second,you do something different. What does that mean? Screw routines! Like with every step,you get closer to your destination. Something like it.

My bestfriend used to say "if you've never tried to capsize a boat,you'll never get to see the underworld (under water)". It's about time I try something new. When was the last time I did that? Cliff diving in Mauritius was my last. It was crazy. I was insanely happy to try it out. That was where I found my guts.

My perspective of it all just changed. Things I never imagined.

Status: Accompanying Aisha for lunch. Round two!

Redbull.

2010-10-11T23:15:00.002+08:00

Redbull gives you wings!~

I'm still fly! I'm sky high!
And I dare anybody to try and cut my wings.

Funny how the world can end up being so small. No,I don't mean literally. It's just the phrase "it's a small world afterall" has got me thinking. We know people who know other people who later become people we know. Complicated? It's all about connections,I suppose. It widens your circle of friend tremendously. For real! I know it's going to be impossible for you to remember every single one of them distinctly. I mean the few thousands that you might know. Networking! Ah,that's the thing!

Anyway,with effect of 18th October 2010 till the end of Semester 2, Mondays will now be known as F Monday. Mainly because there's basic French on that day,for 2 hours, so we could call it French Monday. The other reason is it's going to Fuckt'ed Mondays,since were going to start school at 11 and end at 6!

Well,glad that some people are moving on with their life and doing things they love and are passionate about. Me? I'm going to stick to what I do best - being me. Train hard,fight easy! Pushing myself over my limit and just take my mind off unimportant stuffs. What's passion all about? It's all about the heart and soul. With the mind set and focused,head in the game,nothing should go wrong. Before I know it,it'll be time for me to stop and pass on the legacy.

Cherios!

PS: Nice running into you today,bro. I wish we could have sat somewhere and have a good chat like the good old days. I mean it. I miss you.

Sky.

2010-10-10T21:41:00.003+08:00

Ten Ten Ten~

I was finally convinced. The date totaly made an impact today.
I noticed the sky was more beautiful than ever. I don't know.
I sure did get inspired to shoot some pictures at East Coast Park.
I managed to drag my buddy,Naufal,down with me.

So how was your 10/10/10? Good?

Anyway,I suddenly have so many things in my head. It's like my brain's about to breakdown. I've been thinking alot lately. Sadly,I can't do my usual routine,which is to escape in the middle of the night and head for the carpark for some peace and quiet thinking time. I remembered telling my close friend that when I have a bike which I can legally ride on the road,I would ride around the whole of Singapore to take my mind off things. I wish my time would come sooner. The picture of it in my head is driving me insane!

Time.

2010-10-10T00:23:00.002+08:00

TEN TEN TEN~
No,not Ben 10! Look at the calender this instant. What do you see? Now do you get what I mean? Funny how it hasn't made an impact. Maybe it's just the beginning. Should I anticipate anything more at this very moment? I suppose all I can do now is to hand out my congratulations to people who are going to be attached on this very day and date,and to those who are getting married on this nice date.

As for me,10 October 2010 will be the start of my attempt in getting things right. I'll put my head together,glue the pieces of my heart back together and go head on to what matters most,which is life. I guess 'New Year's Resolution' is a total waste of effort. Why bother?

I'm going to embark on a journey,which I hope is filled with extreme adventures. I'm ready to take on challenges. Well,atleast I hope I am. I'll try not to tangle myself up in a whole lot of mess. Nonetheless,I'll keep the old me closeby 'cause somewhere in there is something worth keeping. I'll still keep things to myself. Pry me open if you may,but you'll never get it out.

TICK TOCK is all I hear. Nothing is what I see. And what do I feel? Honestly,I don't know.

Gone.

2010-10-09T13:42:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY DZULFIKAR!
A year older,and I hope a year wiser.
You're old! :P
Hope you'll have a great birthday even though you said you won't be doing anything.
Don't spoil your own birthday with that gloom.
SMile always kae,my friend.

Happy 18th Haikel!
Considered legal now,huh?
Hope you'll have a blast bro!
See you later at your party.

Anyway,I'm thinking of kicking some of my bad habits. Like going out in the middle of the night. It sure does worry people a whole lot. And given the fact that I got lectured this morning by my dad,it totally got into my head. Funny thing is that he didn't exactly scold me. It was more of a reminder. HAH! Then it continued to a silly quarrel over which license I should take first next year. He kept insisting on me to take my car license first,while I wanted my bike license first. WTH? IKR!

HABIT without the 'H'.
ABIT~

Oh,I left home at 2.15AM this morning to go fetch a friend from the airport and headed for supper/breakfast at jalan kayu. That explains why I got the whole lecture this morning. I deserved it. I confested and he was shocked. Funny,actually. Oh well!

Maaf.

2010-10-06T12:17:00.003+08:00

Bila aku salah,tolong maafkanlah. Ku tak ingin membuat kau menangis. Aku tahu kau marah. Aku tahu kau luka tapi jangan paksa untuk berpisah. Aku ingin selalu bersamamu walau senang, walau kita susah.Mungkin aku salah di matamu. Mungkin aku lemah di matamu tapi tak pernah terfikir kau pergi tinggalkan aku.Bila aku salah di matamu,bila aku lemah di matamu, ku hanya bisa memohon maaf atas salahku.

Aku tahu kau marah. Aku tahu kau luka tapi jangan paksa untuk berpisah.

One.

2010-10-05T11:53:00.002+08:00

Well,I've posted 4 pictures in my previous post. They were taken during the Ikea Gang outing yesterday. We totally had a blast. The people were so happening. There were loads of sick jokes and silly antics. When we met up at Seoul Gardens Marina Square,everyone was already pretty excited for the day. No one expected the whole outing would turn this awesome! It was way beyond expectations as a handful of people couldn't join us. No doubt we were incomplete,but the company was the best!

After the long hours sitting and enjoying our time at Seoul Gardens,we decided to do some activities together,and bowling was the solution.It was no mistake,deciding on bowling. We had tonnes of fun and laughter throughout the two games we played. We got a chance to see abang Fazd do his silly dance too,after he managed to get a strike. It was a really cute sight. I can't forget that. I enjoyed myself with them,especially when Cik Hamimah and didi was there.

After the tiring two games,we headed for the Marina Stairs to lepak and have a self-declared photoshoot. Mainly Didi,Haziq and Emyza were doing the posing and acting like models. I think they really suit that job. Like Emyza said "Paparazzi tryna make us pose".

The pictures,which is a total of 300++, are posted on my facebook. 4 pictures have been posted in my previous post. The first picture is an incomplete group photo. The second is me together with the three models.I very much like that picture.The third is me together with my two secondary schoolmates who eventually become colleagues. The last picture is Didi and me at Seoul Gardens.

I'm looking forward to our next outing. It may be a schooling term for most of us,but I'm sure we can figure somthing out and have fun again. Right now,it's back to work.

Awesome21kecohrables.

2010-10-05T01:44:00.004+08:00

Awesome21kecohrables!

Of melodies and sweet memories. No doubt, the Awesome21kecohrables were incomplete,but we definitely had a blast!

Seoul Gardens,where the fun begins. Dirty jokes and silly antics. Camwhore-ing!

Bowling,where the action happens. Much more laughter and even more silly antics.

Lepak. Camwhore-ing. "The paparazzi's tryna make us pose!"

Split up. Lepak summore. Chill.

See you awesome people at work.

Next gathering,soon to come!

Kill. Part Two.

2010-10-03T00:17:00.004+08:00

Irritating customers. AGAIN! Ikea has got the worst customers ever! They're really spoilt brats. Every single one of them thinks that they're freakin' rich. Credit card? Visa? Master? Diners? Amex? Platinum? So what? Annoying! No lids for the drinks,sir. No lids! We're going green! Don't you get it? How many times must I repeat myself? What is there to complain about? Oh,and I'm sorry if you didn't bring your member's card. You freakin' don't get the 2 cups of free drinks. It's only $1.50 for a cup of soft drink (refillable) and $1 for a cup of coffee (also refillable!). Blardy hell! Still want to argue? And I thought you made it clear to everyone that you're rich,showing off your expenses limit by buying everything on the menu? Btw,when we say member's meal,it means you only get $1.50 off the regular price,and do not bargain for more! It's not a freakin' market,though the atmosphere was like one. Kids screaming,people yelling at the top their voices even though their partner are just next to them and us trying to tell you that you freakin' need a members card to get the discount! The best part today has got to be the power trip. 2 computers at the same time,at a time where the crowd was unbearable. There was jam at the serving line and also the cashier. The queue into the restaurant was freakin' long too,to the extent that we couldn't see the end of the line. If I were them,I'd have long left the place for a more peaceful place like courts.

Thank God tomorow is my off day!

I must add this. Ever since I started working in Ikea,I've made many new companions which have became like siblings to me. Fazdly is like our elder brother,even though he's abit sick in the head at most times. He's been there for us throughout our working experiences and has been the one who planned all our outings and making them possible. Without him,we'd never be this close. I call him Abang Fazd,sometimes. Kak Lina is our elder sister. She's the one that creates the fun atmosphere at work. She's the one who keeps us smiling despite the horrible mood we have with the customers. She's also always there for us. She's always calling us cute and making sure we're not in a dull mood before and after work. She's the best,I guess. The rest of us are awesome together. We have me,Nazurah,Wanie,Hazel, Naqiah, Haziq, Izzat, Hadidi, Andri, Emyza, Wawa, Syafie,Winnie,Haider,Hanif,Safiuddin,Asyilah, Yusni,Cik Hamimah and Cik Sham (two new editions to the Kecohrables). Did I miss anyone out? I hope not.

Time check: 12.34am.. AWESOME!
Status: Blogging while talking on the phone with Syazrie and chatting with the kakis.

Arie: Not hungry?
Me: Nope. I managed to have my dinner before you called.
Arie: Oh. What did you have for dinner?
Me: Rojak and I called McDonalds for a double fillet-o-fish,large fries and large iced lemon tea.
Arie: I bet the reason why you sound extra happy tonight is because a cute guy came to deliver your orders?
Me: So clever,my baby!
Arie: Oklah. BYE!
Me: Alala.. My baby still the cutest. NOT!
*Arie hangs up*
GREAT! Someone's upset. Someone's jealous. Sorry baby. I was just joking. I'll buy you a lollipop kae? heh.. Hangout soon,dude. I miss you and the rest of the dudes and dudettes.

2 more days to an awesome outing?

PS: RIP Lee Kuan Yew's Wife.

Kill.

2010-10-02T00:08:00.004+08:00

I wish I could have gone for the kill. I was moments away from exploding into many little pieces. Freakin' Children's Day! Never did get the point of having a holiday for it. Getting gifts and stuff? That's it? Funny how I never did enjoyed Children's Day. The only good memory of it was when my form teacher in primary school treated us to Swensens and the whole atmosphere in the restaurant was hectic. That was it. Soon,I grew older. The thought of 'Children's Day' even fade away. Kids these days are a pain in the asses! Stubborn! Anyway,the whole point of it was that Ikea was flooded with this little creatures called kids and it gave us major headaches. I can't believe their parents were willing to take them to Ikea for lunch. It's a freakin' Friday for God's sake. Aren't you people supposed to be working? I'd totally understand if it was in the evening,during dinner rush. Speaking of which,dinner rush was chaotic too. Worst than a regular weekend. Customers were plain irritating to the extent that I felt like stabbing every single one of them with the butter knife they had on their trays. Totally spoiled my weekend mood!

That aside. Lets touch on the better side of the day. Didi and his girlfriend came to visit us at Ikea today. It was his off day. It's not that their presence made any impact or anything,but the fact that Cik Mimah was so high at that moment. She was like "I feel like throwing a cup at them whenever I see them hugging." She was merely joking. Later,two Malay singers known as Nuradi came by. She was so excited and even took pictures with them and asked for their autograph. It was a hilarious sight. Just last wednesday, Zan (the Radio DJ on Warna) came to Ikea too. She was as excited as today. She then went to tell the whole of Ikea that she took a picture with him and even got his autograph. It was very funny indeed! That kind thing really enlightened the whole atmosphere at work. I couldn't be bothered to take pictures with Zan. I see him most of the time. He's good friends with my dad. Kecohrable people!

I'm looking forward to the Ikea Gang's outing this Monday. Though a handful of people won't be able to join us,I expect the entire experience would be happening. Din won't be joining us as he has a fractured toe. It's best for him to rest at home and not move about too much. Wawa,Andri,Izzat and Syafie won't be joining us as they are going on a school trip to Vietnam. The plan for Monday is that we're going to have our lunch at Seoul Gardens ( Marina Square) followed by several activities like bowling and movies. I'm counting down to the very day!

I'm definitely not looking forward to tomorow. I'm woking from 12-10pm. 10hr shift at the main pos,on a weekend! I can feel the fatigue setting in. Can I just put a close sign at the entrance tomorow? I don't want to face another batch of irritating Singaporeans. I guess,I'll just have to prepare a mask to put on tomorow. Lets pray hard that something happens tomorow and people decides to abondond Ikea just for a day. I'd really appreciate that.

Time check: 12.34am AWESOME!
Status: Busy updating blog while talking on the phone to Syazrie.

Me: B,I'm hungry!~
Arie: Did Ikea run out of food?
Me: Huh? I wish!
Arie: Didn't have your dinner earlier on?
Me: Duh! That's why I'm hungry silly! Do you think McDonalds can deliver icecream upon special request?
Arie: Aww.. My babe's craving for icecream?
Me: Yup,and a cute delivery boy too.
Arie: Oklah. BYE!

Silly conversations. I loike! Scandalous affair with one of my best buddies. HUHU!