Lately, I've been having trouble controlling my anger. It keeps reaching the peak,and almost lead to a massive explosion. I'm not in any position to blame anyone or anything, except maybe just one person. When group work is concern, everyone have different roles to play. Everyone is important in every way. You can't pull in personal issues into the group work. It'll be hectic! Like how it is now. Because of one bitch, everything is going hay wire. She is not the f*cking leader nor has she any right to say "I don't trust you" to anyone. We're suppose to work as team, idiot! I almost lost it, and could have landed one big punch onto her face and leave it bruised and maybe bleeding. I could have.

If some of you don't know me, I have histories. When my anger reaches its peak, my brain will automatically shut down. I will not think of the consequences before doing anything. Plus with the strength I've been gifted with by the Almighty, you don't want to be in my way. Yes, I may seem a little fragile given the size, but once anger and strength meets, a new me will emerge. I have to agree that I am scared of myself,sometimes. I can't control my actions. Even if I attend trainings to let some steam out, I don't fully exert. I hold it back. I used to relieve those anger by kicking and punching the pads to wear myself out. But now, I choose to hold some of it back.

Now,when I have things bothering me, I'll just go for a long run. I don't want history to repeat itself. I don't want to go back to how I was before. And now, I'm happy to have a new set of family in my life - NYP Silat. They are like my happy pill, an addictive drug. I love them to bits.