I lost another bestfriend and his brother too. God took them away from to a better place,I'm sure. I love them to bits. It was a big blow,but I have to accept it. It's God will. What I couldn't understand was why he had to make even harder for me,even after losing 2 people I love within a month, by taking away another person and give to someone else.

I thought he could very well be the replacement to my happiness after all that I had to go through from the very start of July. I fell hard for him. Although I wasn't expecting anything in return, it hurt me to know they were that close. It hurt me to see them being that close. And it hurt the most when I found out they eventually ended up together. He knew how I felt and yet he didn't utter a word about it,about them. I tried to shove him away, but he kept sticking around. I tried to remove him from every aspect of my life, but I knew it won't last since I would have to face them both during training. The sight of him turns my mood off. And the sight of her, just simply inflict rage. Yes,it's that bad. But I come to realise that it's not worth my time worrying about them anymore. Afterall, they are family to me. My brother and sister. I just have to put up with it and pretend. I just have to smile even though sometimes I feel like stabbing them with a knife.

I know this is harsh,but I've put it aside. What matters now is that I was given a mission to keep the bond together and stronger. It's a task I find challenging especially when it involves them too. A handful of people knows about it. At the start of the whole mess, I notice that they were irked by how they were acting around each other,cause every single one of them knew how much she hated him at the start and even badmouthed him. I forgot who said this "ludah jilat balik",but that was how it was depicted. I have to admit, that I held a grudge against her for a short period of time but let it go soon after.

I won't go back to my old self. The new me is an even more patient person. Ibu said if the person I fell for is meant for me, he'll appear back in my life in the near future. If he's not meant for me, God has someone better for me. Amin!

Oh,and he actually asked why I blocked him from seeing my wall posts. Seriously?